The Truth About Child Support

Nothing shocks a non-custodial parent more, and nothing ticks off an alienated parent more than Federal and State child support laws.

I have yet to meet anyone who really has a problem with supporting the needs of the children.

No, the problem is, it’s called “child support”, but that is not really what most of it is.

What the majority of the payment really is, is a tax-free income entitlement to the custodial parent:

  • The custodial parent is generally not required to demonstrate they are actually using the funds for the benefit of the children – they are free to do with the money whatever they please.
  • The intent of child support laws is to ensure the child maintains a standard of living they would have enjoyed if the parents were married – in other words, if your income rises in the future, so does the custodians.
  • Child support payments are considered taxable income on the part of the payer, but are received tax-free on the part of the custodial parent.
  • Federal Law says child support payments are NOT optional and cannot be waived, so even if you and your spouse agree on a child support amount, he or she can always come back at any point in time in the future with an enforcement action for arrears.
  • There is no statute that requires a father be notified of the birth of a child.  So for example, a mother can get pregnant, hide the pregnancy and the child from the father, and initiate and enforcement action against the father at any point in the future.

Furthermore, while most states have different standards for determining child support, Federal Law requires all states to:

  • Establish standards for establishing child support payments
  • Provide a state collection and enforcement agency
  • Provide a process by which child support payments can be modified in the future

And while individual formulas vary, most child support calculations converge around the following general guidelines for determining the amount of child support you are ordered to pay:

  • A pro-rata share of a child support amount based on the combined and individual incomes of both parents.
  • The amount of custody time each parent is awarded
  • The extracurricular or special needs of the children

What Happens If Your Financial Circumstances Change?

Baring your death, there really is NO defense against the non-payment of child support.

If you should lose your job, suffer a medical catastrophe, or any other financial trauma, it is upon you to maintain your child support payments until you can schedule a hearing with the Family Court and ask for a reduction.

However, in most states, even if the Court allows for this, there will almost always a minimum amount of child support you must pay – you cannot have zero child support even if you have zero income.

It’s also worth noting, that there is no requirement for the custodial parent to work in contributing to the financial needs of the children. So, it’s not uncommon for the custodian to be unemployed and living solely on Court ordered child support entitlements, especially if the non-custodial parent has worked hard to increase their monthly income.

The Consequences for Non-Payment of Child Support

This is where it gets ugly.

The Family Support Act of 1988 greatly expanded the power of states to collect payments by requiring that all states immediately withhold child support being raised through an enforcement action.

In addition, after 1994, states were also required (with some exceptions) to withhold child support payments by wage garnishment regardless of whether an enforcement action was in place.

The consequences for non-payment are severe, and include but are not limited to:

  • Fines
  • The revocation of driver’s licenses
  • The revocation of business and professional licenses
  • Seizure of tax refunds
  • Seizure of financial assets and personal property
  • Revocation of passports
  • Jail

Also, Federal Statute also allows States to asses court costs or interest merely for the administration of child support payments, and nearly states report child support payments and histories to credit bureaus, which affects your FICO score, ability to obtain credit, and the interest rates you must pay.

Furthermore, in most states, there needs to be no actual proof you are behind on your child support obligations. All that is required is for the custodian to fill out an affidavit of arrears, and you’ll be served with the action and told it is up to you to prove the figures are misrepresented.

In Other Words, The Short Story Version Is This….

There is no enforcement process to ensure visitation with your children – it’s all about the money.

In fact, in 1975, the Federal Government enacted the Title IVD program to create the Office Of Child Support Enforcement. The intent here was a noble one: to shift some of the financial burden of welfare mothers away from the Federal Government by ensuring non-custodial parents paid child support.

The end result is the Fed’s pay the states $1.50 to $2 for every $1 the states are able to collect through child support administration programs (ironically, the Government Office of Accounting has admitted this program loses actually loses more money than the previous system).

And while one would think that States receiving this money would use it to help enforce visitation orders, they don’t. 

They’re free to use the money in any way they see fit, and so they’re using this money to shore up their state budgets.  – it’s PORK money created by exploiting children and non-custodial parents.

But, don’t think you have to be months behind to compel a Judge to order you pay child support through the State. In truth, all the custodial parent has to do is ask for it, and they’re going to get it (for a good review of how States are profiting from child support,  please see this article).

Furthermore, while support payments are labeled “child support”, there actually is NO legal requirement that custodial parents use the money for the support or benefit of children.

To the contrary, as much as there is an economic incentive for States to maximize your child support payments, there is also financial profitability for the custodial parent to limit your time with the children and even avoid working at all if your income is substantial, because the payments they receive are tax-free and a function of your current and future earning power.

And lastly, miss a child support payment, for any reason, and you’re in big, BIG trouble; with long-term consequences that will affect your ability to get a job, secure insurance, or obtain credit for years to come.

Nearly all non-custodial parents are happy to provide for the financial needs their children.

However, the body of child support law, while well intended, is absolutely absurd.

Because children have been reduced to money-making assets for custodial parents and States.

And you have NO defenses against non-payment.

Have a kid to make money – it’s that simple.





155 thoughts on “The Truth About Child Support

  1. taking away a drivers liscense from someone who’s craft relies on the ability to travel and carry the tools of his trade just makes the payment of any child support payments imposible I seee why so many carpenters give up and drop out this really helps the system my kids are in there thirtys and still live off me providing for them and my grandchildren yet I still owe support

  2. You bring up many valid points. However I am the custodial parent. I am working and the sole support for my daughter along with my husband. My daughter’s father is not denied visitation when he CHOOSES to exercise it. He has open communications to our daughter but he REFUSES to financially contribute to our daughter’s upbringing and well-being. Yep! He refuses to help out with her medical and dental expenses. She is in braces that I have flipped the bill for so far. Her father voluntarily quit his job in January and hasn’t paid any support since BUT has taken trips this year with his current family which has added up to several thousands of dollars. But claims he is still not working and cannot pay his child support obligation. Unfortunately it is non-custodial parents like this that have given the “stereo type” that all non-custodial parents refuse to pay or do not want to be a part of their children’s lives. The reverse is also true there are parents paying their support because they care about their children and the custodial parents play the games on refusing visitation. That should carry the same weight as not paying child support. Just as you state, if the custodial parent chooses not to work they should be required to work or have their income imputed. When I wasn’t working I left my to what I was making, I never went to court to ask for more. Like you I feel there is a HUGE need for reform. But there are some of us carrying the entire weight of raising a child and following court orders all the while the other parent (in my case, the non-custodial) is doing whatever they can to avoid all parental responsibility they have to their child. You may have guessed by now I am dealing with one of those individuals who are suffering from a Personality Disorder (Narcissist). It is simply impossible to co-parent with an individual like that. That fact needs to be address in Family Law Reform. They put the child in the middle and that is NOT in the best interest of any child plus it is a selfish act on their part.

    • If the father isn’t helping by all means he belongs on child support. The problem here are for those parents that are involve in the child life and are put with the financial responsibility by them self’s. While the other custodial parent sit there on there lazy ass at home and collect. The kid might be at school and what is the parent doing meanwhile? hmmm. it takes two to make one, it takes two to raise one. so both should do there part financially and physically.

      • Rob! even though Jami made some valid points, you made the point that most non-custodial parent has to go through. You can’t dissect my previous statement no matter how hard you try. The original author is spot on.

    • Each case needs to be on an individual bases , most good non custodial parents who spend time and money on their children are getting killed by these laws financially, but it’s all my fault…. I didn’t go for joint custody during my divorce nor didn’t I challenge the correct amount of child support out of guilt and love for my son because of the divorce …. That cost me dearly

      • That’s the problem. Each case doesn’t need to be considered on an individual basis. The core of the vast majority of cases from a legal perspective just isn’t that different. Its this thinking that that allows the courts and its hangers on to steal money from families in tragedy. The truth is both parents in the lion’s share of divorces are perfectly capable, and they should be allowed to be as close to equally involved as possible. The details debated in court to create a good guy and a bad guy are almost always some strange fictional growth on mild issues that don’t belong in court. Besides why do we want some judge, some person who by the choices of their vocation have landed in the big chair making decisions about not just our property, but the future of our families. There are very few cases where at the point of the divorce one parent is substantially superior to the other. It is often the courts that create the circumstances where one parent becomes superior to the other as the family moves forward. This is a tragedy, and it needs to end.

    • On their part?! Seriously?!? It takes TWO to make this happen. And then you claim is in the best interest of the child? The child could care less how much money “you’re” going to get. How about making it less threatening for the guy? How would you feel if it was you the Government goes after for a “never ending” debt. Do you have any idea how many fines how much interest gets added on to the debt?!? Oh but yeah, it’s not your fault, because yes it’s all his doing in the first place, right.

    • I’d bet you’re one of those ex-wives with a healthy dose of control freak who, at the time of divorce, used your child as a weapon to get leverage to further your agenda. I see it all the time, and you sound just like every other one of them.
      Yes, you spout some platitudes about how custodial parents refusing visitation should carry the same penalties but…

      You dump all the negative on your ex, make assessments of his medical condition you are not qualified to make, are likely suffering from a personality disorder yourself (but God forbid you be honest enough to admit it; it’s so much easier to blame the person with the penis, right? After all, in your mind he’s just a walking wallet).

      And have their income imputed? Because they choose to do something or not do something? Sure. That’s a great idea, if you’re an idiot. You cannot get blood out of a turnip, and you cannot force a man to pay crippling child support and expect him to be fine with it. Mothers RARELY have to pay ANYTHING… I’m involved with a custody/support case right now where the mom refuses to pay anything for her own kids, instead trying to force her ex to literally pay for everything on top of the separate maintenance and child suppport he already pays. She has not paid a single bill in months despite having a job, instead preferring to let her family foot her bills and then claim poverty every time we go to court for yet another one of her unreasonable demands.
      She’s now wanting half his salary in “child support” and wants the judge’s order to state that she’s entitled to that until the kids are old enough to need their own insurance (which is 23 in our state if they’re enrolled in college, 21 if not). This is on top of the maintenance.
      So no. You crazy women can take your crap ideas and go away. Until men can demand a penny by penny accounting of how the child support is used, or dictate in the final order how the support is to be used, when men no longer have to fear loss of income, assets, professional licenses, driver’s licenses , etc., because of a mistake the State made or because they have a lawful objection to the amount of support ordered, then we can talk about the minuscule amount of men who are truly deadbeat fathers.
      Your ex isn’t one of them– he’s just tired of being treated like nothing more than a wallet instead of a man and a father.

      I don’t blame him in the slightest.

    • You are the minority, everyone here understands that and I would appreciate it if you did not try and make us believe that all men, as a gender, are like this. The corrupt Anti-family deliberately decided to make sure that “Visitation is not part of fathers payment obligation” and father goes to jail if he does not pay and mother gets NOTHING if she withholds the children as they so often do. And it is almost ALWAYS the female who withholds the children, usually on demand of more money.
      So I ask you, why did the Anti-Family court do that?

  3. Simple…Both parents pay an equal amount to the child-support organization. The custodial parent gets the credit card…One catch..It only works for certain child necessities. Clothes…. food…medicine supplies. Gas ( With limits) This technology is already being used by the welfare dept and unemployment departments. The states could still collect revenue from this…Both parents would be held to the same standard…I bet the have a kid for a paycheck thing would fly right out the window! Hold both parents to the same accountability
    …END of story! No more freeloaders!

    • I am a single parent, father. Somewhat rare, especially in the state if Utah. I agree with your views; the only thing that disrupts this possibility is the design of “the system” starting with the government. Hate to say it but it’s the truth.🙈🙉🙊

  4. We will take this curse everyday for the rest of our misrible lives. Well everyone we meet gets to hear our poisonouse words. The long term affect of Us working people has yet to show its unglyness. All these victoms are also growing up too, the kid$. We havent talked about what sweet little junior has grown into. From the playpin to the state pin. ,,,,, n the justice system gets sweet little junior. He’s not so sweet anymore Is he ?

  5. Couldn’t agree more. We pay for two children whose mother refuses to obtain employment yet has purchased a $1mil home, has a maid, a gardener, three cars, goes on vacations, has a time share and gets monthly beauty treatments. She can’t be bothered though with helping the kids with homework or any kind of well-being. Child support is said to be to enforce the same standard of living for the children, but what happens when the roles reverse? Nothing! It should be that any money paid for the children can be recouped for half providing receipts and agreement, but not for necessities, especially when it’s 50/50. Equal time should mean that you pay for when the child is in your care. The system is abused and more than messed up!

    • This is bullshit. You are making all single mothers to be the bad person. I have been screwed over by my ex and I have been honest with the way things have been. So I am making it a learning experience for me. Enough said!

      • This article, and most of the contributors, are speaking about 90% of cases. So please don’t come on here defending the 10%. We know that some women don’t take advantage of the gender-bias laws and courts, but they are in the minorities. Stay on topic please.

      • Most of yall are!! Fuckin mothers using that money to pay fa other shit and not the child. U cant tell me that 100 percent of the money collected by child support goes to the child. If one fuckin penny goes to the mother its BS!! Plain and simple so fuck child support. Its plenty men out here who could take care of their child without having it pulled up out of them. Fuck the gov, the system and these sorry ass wanna be mothers

      • Would you be a proud recipient of child support if it ment you where held accountable for proof of spending. That is my only problem is that accountability is soully the payees responsibility. You pay or your punished. Making dads feel like nothing more than a paycheck regardless of the time spent ..

  6. It is not a “freebie” or unfair to the father or non-custodial parent for the custodial parent to be a stay-at-home mother. If the mother is a truly a mother and actually wants to ensure her child/children have everything they need to survive and prosper, then one should have faith that the support she is receiving from the non-custodial parent is being used toward something in the household that, in turn, benefits the child in some way. Plenty of mothers use child support to help provide for the shelter, food, gas, clothing, etc. I am a stay-at home mother who only receives the minimum support payment of $50 a week and on some weeks, he skips a week and doubles it up the following week leaving me with no help to provide for my child at all for that entire week he skips. Does anyone ever think of the sacrifices stay-at-home mothers make on a daily basis? I don’t stay home with my children for myself. I stay home to care for them. I get NO free time for myself. Most of the money I end up getting actually gets used for the gas I need to drive my daughter halfway to him for visitation and to run her to her dentist and doctors appointments or to go grocery shopping. Think of how much you spend in gas, food and shelter a week and tell me $50 a week is enough to help make an even contribution to the child’s shelter, food, clothing, schooling, etc. Also, where is the other parents EQUAL contribution to raising the child and being there for the child 24/7? It can’t be equal because the parents are not together. Tell me this, is it harder to pay $50 a week and not have to be there when the child is sick and needs to be rushed to the ER at midnight? How about when the child tells you they are hungry and you are making fixing them meals three times a day with snacks in between? How about all the times the custodial parent is giving them baths, doing their laundry, helping them get dressed? Or when the child has a bad dream and wakes up crying at 3 am – who is there to get up and console them and help them back to sleep? Who is there to answer all their questions and teach them things on a daily basis? THE CUSTODIAL PARENT. It will never be equal when it comes to parents who are divided. It sickens me to hear so many non-custodial parents complain about having to pay support, wondering where that money is going. There are bad mothers out there who don’t put their children first but people need to remember that there are good mothers out there as well who sacrifice their own lives and ALL of their time and put their own dreams on hold for their children. I have worked and all of my money went toward paying someone else to watch my kids. Some things are worth more in life than money. I go without extra money because being there for my kids 24/7 is worth it to me and they need me more than they need material things.

    • I am so disturbed by this forum here that I must comment. It is disgusting in my opinion that custodial parents get accused of using children as money makers so we can stay home and be lazy! How outrageous! While there are unfortunately many mothers who use the money for drugs or things not for their children majority of mothers love their children more than we love ourselves. I am a single mom of 4 children. For last 8 years I tried to make things work with their father but he is controlling and abusive and it will never change. I am now in the situation where going to work will only give me the same amount of pay that I would have to give to daycare or a babysitter since I had been a stay at home mom almost 10 years. During my pregnancy and after my break up with their father I lived off having only 2 pairs of pants that was stretchy enough to fit under my pregnant belly and fat thighs. I am normally in a size zero pants and had to go through my entire pregnancy wearing just those 2 pairs of stretchy cotton pants. Rather than spend the little extra money I had left after paying food and bills on myself to buy more pants I bought things for my children and took them to the movies or etc. MOST mothers care and love their children more than themselves so while you all are making such accusations many of us are being unfairly accused! Family law should not be reformed based on the bad mothers out there but on the growing needs of the children because that is ALL that us mothers care about. I gave up my dreams and my life for my children! I have no life now. All I do is stay home 24-7 cleaning and cooking. I haven’t been out for “a night out” without kids since 2012 but that is fine with me because I just love my children so much that I could cry at just the thought of how much I love them. As much as I do for my children I do deserve to buy some things for myself but deserving and wanting is two different things. I deserve it but I don’t WANT to spend our little bit of money on myself. Buying for my kids and making them smile will put a much bigger smile on myself than any material things purchased for myself. Believer it or not the world is more full of loving mothers than not. If you can’t believer that then you are a “glass is half empty” type person focusing more on the bad moms than the good moms. As long as my children have all that they need I’m good. I too am sick of people complaining about paying child support as though us single moms have to not only clean, cook, do laundry, bathe them, set dr and dentist appointments, take them to dance school, drive them to appts, attend school functions and meetings, nurse them when they’re sick, make repairs in the house (can’t afford handyman), remember to pay bills on time, buy the groceries, load and unload the groceries, put away the groceries, etc etc etc etc etc. I have chores waiting for me to do as I’m sitting here typing. It is never ending. Smdh. These accusations obviously come from those who has never been a single mom because how quickly those accusations will become commendations if they were. I have given up so much of my life and my dreams and sacrificed so much for my children and I’d do it all over again and again.

      • I realize I should have proof read my earlier comment before submitting it. “Believer” is a typo. It’s supposed to be “Believe”. I meant to add at the end that some seem to think that not only do we have to clean, cook, do laundry, etc etc etc and all the millions of things us moms do out of love and concern for our children but we should also have to pay 50% of the child’s financial support. I thank God these people aren’t the judges in the court room responsible for determining support and custody for children! Seems the non-custodial parents would be the only ones getting justice rather than the children. I forgot to mention in my last comment that Michelle I appreciate you keeping a good name for us good moms out here and all the hard work you do for your children. The children deserve to have a good, loving, hard working mother like us and we’re happy to do all that we do for them. I agree with everything you said! Some days my infant son is fussy and would cry all day if I don’t hold him so those days I can’t get much done because I don’t have the heart to let him cry. I honestly think he is scared when I’m not holding him. All he wants is his mommy to hold and comfort him and that’s not too much to ask and he’s not fussy most days so it’s okay. I will put off my chores temporarily to comfort my sweet infant angel. Being a mother is the biggest joy in the world and the GREATEST gift God can give to anybody no doubt! LITERALLY every single time I pray the first thing I do is thank God for my children, I also thank him for their health and allowing them to stay with me on Earth another day (for not taking them to Heaven just yet, hopefully not till I’m dead). I say this EVERY single time I pray before anything else.

      • Should have thought of all the responsibility before you had the kids. Sounds like your another free loader to me that only knows one thing, give me give me give me. Grow up! Live with the position you put yourself in! STOP BLAMING EVERYONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • But how can you not accuse them when i have been doing it for 18 years? My ex hasd not had 1 single job in 18 years of my daughters life. She did find it in herself to have another child though and bring another man in to the fix. That man ended up beating his son when he was 4 months old and the state took the children! When asked where i was she told them she didnt know. When in reality i was right down the street IN THE MILITARY and having the support taken out of my paycheck bi monthly. So my daughter witnesses abuse from her step dad… who ends up in prison… state takes the children but does not notify me.

        So now that you have had a look at my story… are you still disgusted? Some of you women on here (and not all) think WE owe you something. We dont owe you a damn thing. We owe our children. Go out and get a job and help yourself is what i wish these mothers who refuse to work would do. I think if they wont work they should lose custody and let the father take care of the child like he/she belongs. Nocturnel instincts are a mans right now. Women need to step up to the plate the same as the mas does. You want equal rights? This is a great place to start.

        IN NO WAY shape or form am i endorsing a deadbeat dads willingness to pay child support here. They should pay the same as every other parent or custodial parent. But the woman should be bettering herself and that child or let the child go to the parent who will take care of them as needed.

      • If you can’t buy your self jeans then get a fucking job. There will be a point when your children ate in school and u can go to work. They are called mothers hours. Let me guess food stamps pay for your groceries and Medicaid is your form of insurance. If the father has to work to pay for the children so should the mother.. And this is coming from a single mom of two who’s child support is $16 a week for two kids!!

      • Its sad that real men suffer because of a few bad men.. And that a system even has to exist. The studies show that there are more responsible men then dead beats.. And yet we are treated like we are.. You don’t see sites saying good job guys! The good guys are left in the cold and being one of them I can say its very cold.. 7 degrees right now sucks to be homeless but my child support is current.

    • If he has your kids for even 1 hour a week, you do not have your children 24/7. I have 50/50 custody of my child, and I still pay child support. This means, I pay for my child 100% of the time. I pay for him when he is with his mother, and I pay for him when he is with me. This is what is wrong with the system. Your situation is not what they are talking about. Although, it is your choice not to work. Today, we live in different times, and you need to do whatever you have to to take care of you and your children. If that means working, then yes, you need to go get a job and provide for them. The father has no obligation to take care of you. His only obligation is to his child, and if he does not want that responsibility, then he should pay you child support. (that should go for the child’s care, not yours.) If you meet someone, and you decide to stay at home, that is a different situation. However, you need to open your eyes a little and look at it from the other persons point of view. The system is abused, and it needs to stop.

    • If it’s soooo hard to be the custodial parent, why not just let them stay at dad’s. Let him do what you seem to think is so hard.

      I’ll bet he’d jump at the chance, I know I would.

    • Since we are talking about responsibility, let’s talk about that. Young lady you choose to be the custodial parent, it wasn’t forced on you and further in contested cases where both parents want custody mom gets it 80% of the time. Further to be reasonable without a child you still have car payments. housing costs, insurence payments etc. It’s really not that expensive to have a small child.

      As for the topic, I’m sorry but we create deadbeats with the system.We talk about child support as the best interests of the children (supporting children is) But the best interests of children is left at that. No reasonable person who loves there children and has the desire to be a parent and wants to financially support there children will continue to feel the same way when there has to be a winner or loser, no option of shared or equal parenting unless both parents agrees(who’s going to agree to shared parenting if you can take the whole cake 80% of the time based on gender) also who is limited to 2 to 4 hrs a week visits, with no say in how there child is to be raised. I’m sorry it’s criminal how we treat non custodal parents and create deadbeats. There is 148 hrs in the week and it’s criminal that courts and parents will leave children with complete strangers (childcare provider s) for more hrs a week then they would give time to non custodial parents. I watched my brother who was a unwed father, who went after the state to establish his paternity and rights and wantted to be in my nieces life have his life ruined by a system that treated him like a potential abuser or criminal. I watched him fight in and out of courts for years to enforce visitations from a custodial mother who just wantted to do her own thing and visitations were an inconvenience or wantted to just go one with her life. I watched a system instead of comming down hard on violations of visitations, made orders against my brother to protect my niece from potential or just maybe situations that never happened like my brother won’t drive without insurance. But it’s the custodial mother who gets tickets for no insurance for example. My brother saw my niece for only 40hrs her entire life. He paid all his support and after 8 years of a system who could care less about him being a parent he gave up. It destroyed his life.Today my niece is an adult but he still doesn’t have a relationship with her because she refuses saying he wasn’t interested in being in her life when she was younger. The sad and most tragic thing is all the effort to make my brothers visitations difficult, the courts not enforcing orders and creating the deadbeat they forgot to watch out for the welfare of my niece. It was later found that she had major drug issues, school problems and has been arestted for prostitution. So much for needing to be protected from my brother.

    • You people are all missing the big picture. You are all belly aching about what “we” as a society created…. I would give me left arm and right leg to be will my kids for any hour of the day… I would love to bath them, read to them, cook for them, hug them, kiss them and tuck them into bed…. but I had the “nuclear bomb” tactic or divorce and child custody dropped on me…. FALSE ALLEGATIONS OF ABUSE….. I went from being a loving, involved Father to not being able to see or even talk to my kids for 108 then saw them for 4 weeks at 2 hrs and a cost of $112 in a supervised visit center that is comparable to something I imagine when I think about how terrorist rule….. I still have to pay full child support which I paid for one year in advance in cash…. I have since been taken back to court over 30 times on bogus bs add on this add on that and all the while I’m still not even allowed to spend time with my kids….. My kids are 6 and 9 and it is heartbreaking to have them ask me why they can’t come to see me or why I’m not at their school functions… I would pay the same amount of money I pay not if I could be given equal time….. I would pay it as a ransom and gladly.. money never meant anything to me…. but those kids are my world and my vindictive, personality disordered ex is hurting the kids I love so much and the “system” I used to believe in does nothing but treat me like I’m the bad guy…. I’m in the middle of this so I include my self in this next statement…… Parents that fight with the other parent for their own benefit and not for what is in the best interest of the child are lower than dirt. Scum of the earth that has created the very system we all sit here and grip and complain about. What are any of you doing to change it….. What…. are you doing for your kids…… not for you own greedy motives but for your kids…… disgusting….. I’ll never trust or believe in a “union” again… whether that means…. government, marriage, partnership etc….. ruined it all for me.

      • None of your story happens in a world where child support isn’t a profitable venture for one parent, and custody battles aren’t a means of control for that same parent and profit for the legal professions and court hangers on. We have created a system that on from 10000 miles up looks very practical, but the reality is that hurts almost everyone involved unnecessarily. Most of the CP parents who used the machine will be judged by their children as adults. They also will suffer massive financial difficulty after spending a decade (nearly two sometimes) relying on someone else’s income to survive as that paycheck goes away. The NCP is left wondering how to seek out a relationship with children as a parent, when they were never allowed to be a parent. The children are left growing up without the influence of one parent in their daily lives, and thus are crippled compared to their peers who had free and easy access to their parents in the normal course of their day. The only true winners in the current system are the lawyers who walk away with everyone’s retirement liquidated to pay their fees.

        After reading so many comments on this post, I have come to the conclusion that the shortsightedness of the majority of people is the enemy of reforming the system. Until enough children who have been affected by the system rise to positions of power and influence, there will be no change.

      • I feel your pain. What have I done for them? I have gone to jail repeatedly for them. The money wasted on my lawyers, court cost, her lawyer fees, and anything involved had me broke.

        There is absolutely no other man on this planet that would go to jail in order to spend more time with my children. I told my oldest child at 9 yrs old this and I hope that stored in her long term memory. It was the last time I seen her and spoke to her and that was Christmas day last year.

        We really need to start sticking together and come up with a plan. What about …one (no child support) month and start from there slowly increasing the number of months every year as we demand more time. We must break this system together as a team. June 2017 would be the perfect month to start with. I have no problem with going indoor camping (jail) with a my fellow good hearted dads out there. Reply here if you like this idea and spread the word. Next year is way to long isn’t it though?

    • In order to truly provide for your children you have to provide home,, food, shelter, and basic necessities like water, gas, and electricity. To provide for your children you need work. It is a luxury to be with your children 24 and 7 a luxury that unfortunately changes with a divorce and a cold hard Hart. Unless you have an income you can not give your children a future. Government funding in any form is not you taking care of your children but rather tax payers with there own family to take care of. I have been through the family court system.and have 2 sons I would love to be with 24 and 7 but then we would be living on the streets.

      • Amen to that. Too bad family court thinks it can maintain the lifestyle for the children when a household splits without both parents making changes. It instead takes the fruits of one parents labor and gives it to the other parent without concerns for the consequences to that parent.

    • well then get a better fuckin job!!! And pay fa daycare!!! He skipped a week maybe cause he didnt have it. While u sit on yo ass without a job. I swear to god i hate mothers like u. If he work then yo ass need to work instead of being a stay home mom. It dont fuckin work like that. Get tf off yo ass and get a job where u can afford daycare or somebody u trust to watch ya kids fa cheap

  7. I had no choice but to chime in on this one. I am a full time custodial dad. I work about 70 hrs per week and make about 36, 000 per year. I am court ordered to recieve MN minimum suport payment of 50 per month, because mom does not want to get a job. She sits at home collecting social security because father of her child died. Aparently in Minnesota you are required to pay but not required to actually work. Currently i am owed approx 12, 000 and yet she drives a bmw how’s that work.

  8. WHAT!!!??? Smdh at Jeffrey Loberg! I should have thought of the responsibility of kids before having them?!! Are you sick as in mentally sick or are you just a low IQ kind of guy? Apparently you’re not “comprehending” the issue. The issue is not mothers complaining of the work entailed in raising children. Free loaders are those who are lazy and don’t want to work and want everything for free and everything handed to them. Nowhere in my comments did I say anything that insinuated this so it makes me wonder if you’re just mentally slow or just plain ignorant and rude. You have absolutely NO clue who I am and what kind of mother I am. It makes me sick that you make pretend you do. Pfffff, “grow up”??? Ha! That’s what I tell my children’s father all the time. Just like yourself so many men have an issue with “growing up”. Some just never grow up EVER. You think I’m supposed to do EVERYTHING in raising my kids? Pay 100% of their financial needs? I’m betting you’re a deadbeat dad like the rest of them and you don’t respect any mother not even your own. You have no idea all the pains and sacrifices I’ve made out of the love for my children, putting their needs and happiness in front of mine UNLIKE their father and unlike MANY fathers. I’m a FANTASTIC mother and your comments are just rude opinions with no substance since you have no “facts” to prove your OPINIONS. If you had “facts” about what kind of person I am you would be feeling very stupid and be apologizing (if you’re man enough, some men can’t even when they know they’re wrong). I don’t care what kind of hell I gotta go through for my kids, I am grateful to have my kids and thank God all the time for giving them to me.

    • Women initiate nearly 100% of the decision to have children. I know the old ‘It takes two to tango’ rule, but honestly….do men really want to have kids? If you say yes, your either are lying or you just don’t know. Guy’s want to get laid, women want children. And women initiate 85% of divorce….proven fact. So if women are initiating most child births, and most divorces….who should really be responsible?

      • GTFO really.. Well I am 42 and in all my years I met some guys who came right out and asked me to have their child ..then there are the sly ones who ‘oops’ where did the condom go? Like really fellas if it’s all about getting laid then wrap it up… EVERY guy I’ve ever been with tries to get it raw. The one time I fell for it (I admit I was drunk in love)… i became a mother. It’s just so funny to me that men pursue to get laid then cry like bitches when the sex actually does what nature intended.. I did not want his kid, I just loved him. I love my son like the moon and stars I can still say I live the guy too.. But GUYS really, if you really do not want a kid wrap it up and stop placing the responsibility for you dog sexual needs solely on a woman. We are not couches with holes here to serve your penis. Sadly many men DO THINK WE ARE.. And do it goes. And bam ..child support ..cause like this guy above said, dad just ‘wanted to get laid’. Well if that’s all you want SAY THAT from the get go.. Oh but then you’d may not get that ‘particular’ gal right.. Cause she will think you are a douche. Happy fuc@ing. Dear mean who just want to get laid..wrap it or snip it.. And fuck off and away

    • How can you be with a guy long enough and not know he is a major drug addict? We’re you in denial or weas your head in the sand or clouds? Now reading your other comments I understand your situation better. But don’t get me wrong, I hear about custodial parents spewing garbage about sacrifice and how hard it is and how the other parent is a deadbeat etc etc. When in reality most of the time both parents are greedy. selfish people. Stats prove it. Come on custodial moms you can’t complain about the cost of things and sacrifices and etc etc when 80% of the time you get abd want the custody and power even when contested. Are you honestly going to say there was no shared parenting option or joint custody option? Further can you honestly say that 80% of the males having children are unfit to parent because that’s what you say when you strip one parent from being able to make major choices in a child’s life or limit that person to less hrs to see his/her child then the childcare provider.

      • I didn’t know. His family told me he’s been doing drugs for 30 years. I didn’t believe it still until his brother told me my ex told him not to ever tell me. I’ve never been around drugs or druggie how the heck would I know. I am clueless about drugs. I even panicked during labor after the nurse gave me pain medication. I started feeling a little high and thought something was wrong lol. It’s too much to say but believe me my ex is a self centered douche. He even puts himself before our kids and honestly 95% of our fights was regarding him being a bad father. One thing that hurt me most was him never wanting to spend time with his children, he never came home. Probably cuz I was against drugs and he stayed out to do drugs. Sigh.

    • This response of yours is EXACTLY why good fathers such as myself are fed up. Please, Christy, explain to me how you can sit there and categorize all men as deadbeats and then expect others to take seriously. I have a 5 year old son, whom is my world. I am not with his mother because she cheated on me and I went through the birth of my son and then several more months not even knowing if he was mine. But I would rather have been there and have him not be mine than not be there and miss his birth and first few months of being alive if he was…and I thank God everyday that he is. Long story short, I ended up having to leave my 6 figure career after blowing 4 discs out in my back and suffering from job related PTSD. Since the time she was pregnant, she told everyone how if he was mine she was going to make my life a living hell so that I would sign my rights over. Then, the DAY AFTER I had to leave my career, she files for child support. The courts based my salary on my “earning potential,” despite the fact that the field I was in for 9.5 years requires sound mental judgment and extreme physical fitness. I was ordered to pay $364 a week to a woman I was never married to, while attempting to care for myself and get treatment for my back and PTSD. She has “earning potential.” She has her Bachelor’s Degree, Teaching Certificate and hospital technician certificate, however she decides it is more convenient to work part-time for a family business making $12.00/hour. Over the course of the last three years, I have lost my house to foreclosure, ruined perfect credit by having to file for bankruptcy and I have no other option but to be living back at home with my parents. After I was finally able to return to work, I work 50 hours a week, 10 hours of of which are overtime, and was bringing home $74.00 a week after they garnished my check and after taxes. Oh, I forgot to mention that she drives a brand new $40,000.00 SUV, while I drive a 14 year old vehicle. She has a house while I am a thirty-something living back at home…and she is doing this with her $12.00/hr job. She continually posts statuses on social media that portrays her as some sort of victim throughout all of this. Not to mention, I maxed out all of my credit cards before I filed for bankruptcy to pay an attorney to try to get my visitation increased, which was ultimately denied because of her lies. I am a GREAT father and I would GLADLY accept the responsibility of having my son 50% of the time. So how dare you act like you’re holier than thou and that you’re “supermom.” As a previous poster stated earlier, it is NOT my responsibility to support my ex, it is my responsibility to support my child. SHE is the reason we aren’t together…she cheated on me…and the corrupt system is simply rewarding her selfish behavior. Nobody owes you anything and it’s your choice not to work. That being said, just because you made the decision to be a stay at home mother, does not mean that you are entitled to someone else’s earnings to support your decision, nor are you in any position to play the “pity me” role.

      • There are many great men out there. Not all men are bad. I can’t stand cheaters. I won’t even remain friends with people who cheat cuz it means they have no integrity and without integrity you’re not a good person. I hope things get better for you.

    • You are a piece of shit! I’d like to see you and every other entitled bitch offer to trade places with the father you are complaining about. Are you ready to get out of your free-ride, off of your big lazy ass, and get a real job? Ask him to be a stay-at-home dad. Then you can have 50-60% garnished off the top of your gross income before taxes, and health insurance. Do you want trade circumstances? I didn’t think so, so shut the fuck up!

  9. I appreciate your opinion Jeremy but at this time I do have my kids 24/7 because supervised visitation has not yet been set up by the judge. Their father neglects their needs and he is a drug addict who’s been doing cocaine and pot for over 30 years and my kids are under 5 years old. I was unaware of his drug use when we first were together until 3 years later when his brother told me. His mom wanted to do an intervention with him and told me he’s an addict. Never having done drugs myself I did not know the signs of someone who snorts coke and never saw any evidence of it so I didn’t believe it until his brother called and explained. His brother said he told his brother not to tell me because I’m against drugs. My kids are so young and innocent and they can’t do a lot for themselves and they can’t tell anyone that daddy was doing drugs around them since they don’t know yet what bad drugs are. As for work, I’m far from lazy. I’ve worked hard all my life. I’ve worked 2-3 jobs at a time. I miss my work and I love my work very much as a promotional model but the problem is that I now have an infant 5 months old and now with 3 children under 5 yrs old the expense of childcare exceeds what I would make working. The father has not yet been ordered to pay child care expenses since we have not had our final hearing yet. I would love to be able to work again but I’m not so stupid to work for free giving all my hard earned money to childcare! This is a catch 22 that I’m in right now. There’s a lot of lazy women out there, there’s a lot of bad mothers out there but I am FAR from being any of them. All I care about is my children. I don’t care about their father, I don’t care about me, I CARE about my children! I ONLY care about my children! I will die in a heartbeat for any of my children! My situation is tough. My only mistake in this is trusting the wrong man in my life and having kids with him. Don’t get me wrong, I do not regret it since I am blessed to have my beautiful children but I would have done some things differently. Believe me, I’M the victim NOT their father. I’ve never done anything to their father EVER except cook for him, do his laundry, etc etc. He admits he’s the blame for our separation and he blames all his bad behaviors and things he’s done on the drugs. I’m not gonna sit here and list all the things that makes him a bad person cuz that would take too long but I’ll tell you one thing. When I was 8 months pregnant with my 2nd daughter he behind my back paid for a woman to fly to new orleans with him. He admitted to me that it was a big 5 day party of alcohol, cocaine, and pot for 4 nights at their hotel along with a few of his friends. Prior to this I asked him for money to buy essentials for our newborn baby girl. We did not yet have one piece of clothing for her and he told me no he doesn’t have any money. Oh sure you have money for this woman’s vacation with you in new orleans, cocaine, alcohol, etc but no money whatsoever for your new baby girl. Ok so this is just a little peek into what kind of man I have to deal with. He is a self centered drug addict whom I’ve watched put himself first before his kids which is absolutely disgusting and he was abusive to me as well. I really hate when people judge people without all the facts because 9 out of 10 times they are wrong about that person.

    • You don’t have to explain yourself to ANY of these guys… Keep doing what you do and being a strong woman. Fight for your right to have financial help supporting the kids that you AND he made.

      • The problem is that the custodial parent has other benefits behind cs, such as food stamps, rent-aid, free health insurance ( at least in Massachusetts) and some other stuff that the non-custodial parent hasn’t. My husband and I struggle every day on payments, bills, taxes, ect. We have no benefits cuz we “don’t qualify” and plus Te more hours we work to cover our necessities the more taxes we pay and in addition more child support for him to pay, we have a daughter to support, and is just not fare that the other gets free day care and stuff while ours don’t. Fuck the system.

      • ‘Fight for your right to have financial help’

        No need to fight. Women have the law and gender-bias courts 100% on their side. Even non-custodial women have the laws on their side. When was the last time you witnessed child support going after a woman who refuses to pay court ordered child support? The ‘Pussy Pass’ rule exempts women from paying men anything they owe them.

      • Correct, that she AND he made a child….so how does this support your argument? If you buy a car and someone co-signs for you so you can get the loan, I suppose in your world the co-signer is responsible for the payments because you decided you didn’t want to work so that you could wash the car daily. You are the perfect example of what is wrong with society. Your wording of “any of these guys” just goes to show the type of girl (that noun used on purpose) you are. You are one of two people that a child needs in their lives, quit thinking you’re the only one that matters. Are there scumbag fathers? Yes there are. Are there scumbag mothers? Absolutely. However there are fathers out there that suffer on a daily basis because of mothers like you that think their the only one’s who matter in a child’s life. Unfortunately for you, when your children become adults, they will put 2 and 2 together and you will regret your narcissistic behavior. I have been fighting for 5 years for what I deserve..and I will continue to fight, until my children are adults, against a court system and generation of selfish mothers that view fathers as nothing more than a source of tax free income.

    • Christy, I can tell you are a very immature person who has anger issues towards your ex. Exactly why you are posting on this site. Bottom line you are 50% responsible for bringing these children into this world as well as 50% responsible for the financial well being. Get a job and get over it. If you are not working than who might be supporting you? Where is your 50% contribution ? Furthermore if the non custodial parent is unemployed this does not excuse his or her obligation. There is no excuse for you not to support yourself

      • @Rob….she is contributing….She had to make the phone calls for her section 8 housing, cash assistance welfare, food stamps, and free healthcare for her and her illegitement rug-rats. Oh, yeah, I forgot to say, that she made those calls with her Obama phone! Stay independent ladies!

      • Here’s a clue Rob, if I make 1000 a month and pay 1000 a month daycare, he would be paying 80% or more of my daycare costs. Duh! Figured it out now? Doesn’t make sense for my children to be raised by strangers when I’m really not bringing home much additional income if any, absolutely not! I’m old fashioned and children are supposed to be raised by the parents not day care! Much less children would be getting abused by their caretakers! Do something productive and nice like go to church! Forgive me Jesus but he really irked me! Sometimes I can’t bite my tongue but I’m a good Catholic girl, at least I try!

  10. I am a custodial parent and work full time. Christy, I’m with you here – child support goes toward general support of the children, not just direct costs like clothes and. it is also usually a tiny amount compared to what non-cutodial parent would have contributed should the parents have stayed together. Believe me, my ex much prefers to pay child support and do little else for his kids. Not that involved because, you know, doing what we custodial parents do every day would just be too much for him. Ignore these losers who don’t know what they are talking about.

    • Much respect for the full time working moms. You are building a role model form for your children. The dads who want nothing to do with daily life of there child are missing out. The working moms on here are my true

    • Thank you Maria and I agree. These negative comments are most likely just angry dads although there are many bad mothers that damaged the image of single mothers. There are many good fathers that get screwed in the court process but many fathers are bad fathers. There are more bad fathers than bad mothers without a doubt!

      • Yes, because women choosing to subject their children to a home without a father present makes them good mothers. Most divorces are done because of boredom or unhappiness not abuse, so the mothers have put their own selfish interests before their children’ interests. Out of wedlock or committed relationship births are a failure to consider the consequences, and often result in the father being a man who no sane person would choose to be a father of their child. This is a side effect of wanting to sleep with the hottest smoothest guy a girl can snag. These guys are almost never marriage/father material. Raising his kid alone doesn’t make you a hero, but makes you a victim of your actions. Sadly your child is a victim of those actions as well.

        Fathers who are forced to see they children so little that they have almost no fatherly interactions with their children become discouraged, and many drop out. Its a sad consequence of a system that values a father more for his ability to earn money than anything else.

        As for being angry, damn right I am. I have had the ability to be the best father I can be taken from, and reduced to that of a wallet. The less time I have, the less parental authority I have in their lives. As time goes on, many fathers like me are reduced to being something akin to the fun uncle if they are lucky. I like many fathers look forward to the day that my kids are grown. Then I might have a chance at a relationship with my children not governed by a woman who views me as the enemy. I never thought when they were babies, I would be cheering for them to grow up faster. That is a sad reality of being a divorced father under the current structures we have created.

      • Christy u are a fuckin joke. Get a better fuckin job!!!!!! If u make 1000 a month u aint makin jack shit. Tf. U work at mac donalds or sum? U handicapped af to the system. U rely on the father cause u aint bringin home shit. My 19 yr neice makes more than u. U just really embarrassed yo self.

    • You can’t have it both ways, you can’t expect equality if your not giving equal ity. The fact that your the primary care provider says you weren’t thinking about equality for your kids or ex. You can’t expect a man to seriously want to or play the role of provider if your not going to give him The privileges of being a provider. I’m sorry I agree with responsibility but with responsibility comes privileges. The system and most of the custodial parents forget that. I have to remind custodial parents that yes you have the privilege of that role. Everyday you get to form and be part of molding a person’s life. Non custody parents don’t have that. Even if they paid half or thousands.

    • Please enlighten me…when the woman is at fault for the relationship failing, how does this ever work in favor of the child’s father? You know, the OTHER 50% that you fail to recognize as the person you created your beautiful child with. You want to have your cake and eat it too….and then want to be able to complain about it openly because it was chocolate fudge instead of red velvet. The way you speak about your ex is evidence that you could give two shits about his parental rights. As much as I have had to go through with my child’s mother, I have NEVER bad-mouthed her, because she is the mother of our child..and our child is loving, smart, sensitive and respectful…therefore she and I must be doing SOMETHING right. Just because you and your ex didn’t work out, doesn’t mean that every decision you make from here on out has to be vindictive, nor does it mean that you two cannot work together for the benefit of your child’s future. Trust me, if you continue to belittle and disrespect the other parent, it WILL negatively affect your child. This is what you are not understanding….since I am sure your post about your ex on this site is fairly conservative compared to how you normally talk about him over a box of wine and a pack of Winstons, there’s this little term called parental alienation…and I hope for your sake your child/children don’t resent you when they are old enough to communicate their observations in an educated manner. I am already seeing it happen between my son and his mother because he LOVES spending time with me, yet he can’t for the life of him understand why what his mother says about me (to him and in front of him) differs so much from reality. Just my two cents…perhaps you’d be better off encouraging the relationship between your child/children and their father rather letting your emotions take over because your think he “owes you.” Money cannot buy happiness…Money cannot buy true love…and Money can certainly not change an ugly person into someone worth anything.

  11. Kudos to the author of this blog for taking on such a controversial subject. Everyone’s situation is different and in many cases it’s all he said/she said. Mom’s complain about dead beat dads but when the dad is involved it’s never enough or they want more. My husband’s situation is the fault of both him and the mothers; they should both take equal responsibility. The courts provide mother’s with custody pretty much in all circumstances even though many dads would love to have custody of their children. If the mothers find it so strenuous to financially survive single parenthood, then custody should go to the parent who is more responsible, IF that’s an option. My husband had a child 15 years ago with a woman who cheated on him with multiple men. He did not know if the child was his and when he found out it was, she was already engaged to someone else and they decided to get married. Since that day, my husband has paid child support and remained emotionally and physically available for his son at any given time. After a few years, he moved on with his life and met a woman who he became engaged to and they had a child. That worked for 6 years until she couldn’t handle him working so much (because he had her, new baby and child support), that she left him. He remained single and concentrated only on working and supporting his two kids (whom the second one’s mom moved hours away because she quickly married someone else). Six years passed and he didn’t even date, then he met me. I’m a few years younger than him, his kids are 12 and 15 now, and both of the mom’s are bloodsuckers. Even though they both remarried, they take 50% of his wages…he doesn’t complain, he’s happy to take care of his boys, plus get them in the summer, holidays, birthdays and just random occasions where they stay with us for weeks on end. I am now pregnant, with my first and unfortunately he was not as excited as I was because he is terrified that he will not be able to support us in a way that he feels we deserve. I don’t worry much because I have a great career and I know that I can support us, but it’s sad to see such a wonderful man be beaten down by the system. If I busted my ass in every way just to bring home half a paycheck, I would be miserable. Meanwhile, even though we have a new baby on the way, the mom’s of his boys request the impossible from him and then bash him when he can only contribute from the other 50% of the paycheck that he brings home to pay half of our rent and our bills. I don’t necessarily disagree with him having to pay extra for his son’s braces or for extracurricular activities, but they expect thousands of dollars from him on a whim. Yet, both of them spend money on manicure’s and booze on a weekly basis. They system really does need some adjusting.

    • I love you for your comment: ” If the mothers find it so strenuous to financially survive single parenthood, then custody should go to the parent who is more responsible, IF that’s an option” and “The courts provide mother’s with custody pretty much in all circumstances even though many dads would love to have custody of their children”. You made a logical point in which nobody likes to hear the truth. The status quo needs to change. I am not paying for the welfare of my ex wife but my son but I know my child support isn’t going to my son, if very little.

  12. Let’s do talking about the poor here. I had my kids 50/50 and paid $1000 and 50% of all but school expenses. She fought for custody and got 1/2 a day a week taken from me. Now I will pay $2300. I could barely make ends meet before. Now it will kill me. More than that, my hard work is not seen by my 4 kids. All they see is mom buys me stuff and dad doesn’t. She gets to spend on my behalf. I lose my say in things because she pays, and so she gets the say. I struggle while earning $90000 a year, but have less than $30000 to live on and pay martial debt. She has close to $80000 after tax dollars to spend. How is it fair to me. No one asks her to work to get potential. She earns half what she can. I could afford to pay all the kids bills by myself before she filed for child support, but now I fall short paying just my bills. Child support is evil in all cases where birth patents want to be involved and is wrong as executed due all cases. It indentured the non – custodial parent through the children to the other parent. Indentured servitude is illegal unless it’s through child support.

  13. HeligKo, just because you didn’t get what you wanted doesn’t mean take your anger out on all single mothers! You’re just as ignorant as the other fathers on this post. You don’t know me so don’t pretend to. My kids father and I are no longer together because of him not me and not boredom. During our relationship he was extremely disrespectful, a drug addict, controlling, and abusive. He had one day off a week from work, Sundays, and he refused to spend it with the kids while cussing me out and telling me it’s his only day off for himself but it was the only day the children were able to spend with him grrrrrr. I can go on about why our relationship didn’t work and you can accuse me all you want. Will that make any difference to me, NO. I’m an extremely loving, caring, nurturing, and compassionate mother. I take good care of my four children. If I worked 6 days a week there would be no argument about spending my only day off with my children! He was an idiot aside from being so disrespectful and abusive! I don’t need to prove anything to you or anyone but I hope you reeducate yourself because your comments make you appear very ignorant. For the record, it wasn’t him that was the good looking one as you assumed! I’m actually a promotional model. He is extremely unattractive to put it nicely. I was not attracted to him as he was persistent in trying to win me after months of telling him no lol! He finally won me but didn’t get to keep me.

    • I actually didn’t attack single mothers. I attacked the premise that they are heroes or victims by that status. They are often victims of their own choices and if those circumstances inspire them to be a good mother and not use single motherhood as a crutch for their failures then kudos to them. Divorced/Never Married mothers who take actions to eliminate the father from the kids life when there is no threat to the children, and this is the truth for most cases, have done a major disservice to their children.

      I also don’t blame men who through the power of the court have been minimized in their children’s life for losing heart. Where I live, a man who walks into a lawyer and says that I want shared custody is told clearly that if she doesn’t want it, then he won’t get it. This is with legislation in place that says that shared custody is the desired outcome for most cases. The courts have no incentive to change what they have been doing, so its business as usual.

      There are bad mothers and bad fathers. Bad mothers are almost always given the opportunity to rise to the occasion and become good mothers. With time, many do. Men are almost never given this opportunity by the court, unless the mother wants them to. The courts main goal is to put the man on a schedule to satisfy the minimum requirements of allowing them to have a relationship with their children and to put them on child support.

    • “He was an idiot aside from being so disrespectful and abusive!” Well isn’t this irony at it’s best. When will you move on with your life and realize that life isn’t about drama. I’m sure you’ve noticed that the bullshit that you once thought made you interesting to others, is now pushing those same people away. Nobody wants to hear your sob story over and over…my ex made the same mistake….constantly telling all her friends how I want nothing to do with my son and how all I do is fight with her…until I got divorced from my ex-wife (which was absolutely my fault) and they became friendly. My ex-wife said to her, “well that’s weird, because my boyfriend and I get along great with him (me) and his new girlfriend.” It will catch up to you if it hasn’t already…quit the bashing and have respect for the father of your children….if not for him, for the children that you and him created…TOGETHER. I don’t see your husband on this post calling you names….in my life experience (and I have plenty) those that continually bash others and find fault in everyone else but themselves, are usually the problem. Every failed relationship, experience, etc. is not just caused by one person. Until someone can look at the failing objectively and accept their role in it, they will continue to fail and make the same mistakes. Take a look at yourself before you publicly denounce the FATHER of your children…if in fact he is the father to all four…which if I was a betting man..he isn’t.

      • Well Shawn I’ll teach you something new you didn’t know. There are relationships that fail because of one person, the drug addiction or alcoholic causes many failed relationships. Mr know it all.

  14. Like I said, you sound very uneducated and ignorant and I don’t mean that as an attack, just speaking bluntly. I am sorry you are in the situation you are in that caused you to lose time with your children. I LITERALLY feel sad for your children at this moment as I think of your situation. Our world is so sad. Children are the biggest victims in parents’ separations. When you speak the words you do you assume and claim that MOST single mothers are this way and you CAN’T do that! It’s very offensive to us good single mothers who truly are good mothers, the best mothers children can have. Many of us good mothers honestly have become single mothers because the exes were truly jerks! Do you actually think most women are single mothers cuz THEY are the jerks???? I beg to differ! I totally believe and know first hand their are women who are scum but most are not! It’s human nature and innate for women to be loving nurturing mothers, more so than men. The women who are not good mothers are less than normal, maybe their brain chemical balance is off or something. I don’t understand it in the same as is how I don’t understand how someone could hurt or abuse a child or animal. Honestly, it makes me so sad when I see those stories on the news that I cry and lose sleep. It tears me up to see or imagine the pain a child is going through. There are men who are better parents than many mothers but in most cases it’s the other way around. I feel sympathetic for you and your children cuz many fathers don’t want to be fathers. My oldest daughter’s father never, not even for one day, ever wanted to be a father to her. My three other children’s father at least spends SOME time with the kids. It hurts me and breaks my heart when my kids’ father doesn’t want to spend time with them because their pain is my pain! I knows I don’t have to prove anything to you or anyone but I am such a compassionate and caring person and I am this way to complete strangers. If I could open your eyes some more, maybe redirect your anger to the courts who makes the final decisions instead of the single mothers, then it would make me happy to know I helped. I understand your anger but don’t believe it’s almost all single mothers. The numbers are much less than you think. Maybe in your neighborhood it’s the case but not all over. You are now stereotyping single women based on your own experience and situation. It’s not fair. Everything I do is for my kids. I moved from Miami Beach to Ohio to raise my kids in nice family town suburbs instead the druggie, cocaine central party town Miami. I love Miami and I feel sad sometimes not living there now but I love my kids more and they are the most important in my life. I don’t want them raised in an area where snorting coke is as common as cigarette smokers (pretty unbelievable how popular it is there) and that partying is the thing to do 24-7. Midwest is way better for raising a family than Miami. When I’m done raising my kids I will be going back to Miami. That’s where my heart is.

    • Anytime you have to explain something is not an attack, its pretty much a guarantee that it is. Your comment in no way seems to address what I said. I never said most women or most single mothers, etc.. I did say most cases do not involve abuse. Telling me your ex is a jerk is like telling me the sky is blue. There are so few people who don’t dislike their ex on some level, that you can simply assume this unless told otherwise.

      Saying a mother is generally a better parent than a father isn’t backed by any study. Mothers and Fathers bring different traits to the family. That is why it is valuable to have both involved. The few studies that are out there are not very good, since so rarely does the court give full custody to the father. Most of the single father families are widowers, which provide a different dynamic, or at least without comparison, it has to be assumed that is the case. The studies that have been done show that the outcomes later in life are better in the following order. I don’t know the margins, nor do I think the studies are all that conclusive, since having control groups for this type of thing are almost impossible.

      1. Two parent homes are best
      2. Shared parenting with near equal time and parents working together
      3. Father only families
      4. Mother only families

      My anger is at the courts, and how they handle the cases. The results they allow are a major problem. The fact is the child support system as it is now, and that it is tied to the amount of time a parent has the children is a major driver in custody battles. Mothers push for more time with the kids often out of desire or need for more money. Knowing that the court is likely to rule in their favor makes the risk of going to court less imposing as they make this decision. I believe there should be a major overhaul in the system Trials and judges are not the right way to do this. Once the court is handling a custody case, regardless of whether you win or lose, you have effectively given up your parenting rights to the state, and they can change their mind anytime they like.

      I am angry at the courts for putting me and my family through this. I am also angry at my ex. The court doesn’t take action all by itself. Child support is a driver for most child custody decisions. Taking time from one parent increases child support. The state collects fees for being the broker for child support. The state is given some matching funds from the federal government for collecting child support.

    • Uhmmm Christy I’m sorry. It’s not a generalization or a stereo type it’s true. The last census in family court issues that I read Saud that despite the changes in attitudes and things becoming better the system still rewards custody to mothers even when contested 80% of the time. You can’t reasonable say that out of every 10 father’s 8 are unfit to be custodial parents or have shared parenting? Or that 80% of all woman are just better parents?

  15. Could some please help me on advice. Ok…my exhusband is the arrears 24,899.69…he has remarried and moved to NJ…he was out of work for 5 years…but b4 then when he was working he was in the arrears 8,000.00. I need for him to step up. Oh yeah now he want to raise our son in NJ…is he responsible for the arrears?

  16. Its funny that its mostly men complaining lol how about you guys wrap it up or don’t have sex if you don’t want the responsibility of paying child support, my ex is a narcissist who could careless about our child, hasn’t seen him since he’s been born. When we were dating he was all all about us getting married and starting a family but he was just pretending to care to use me for sex. So I don’t feel sorry for you men, take responsibility for your actions just like we do.

    • This might as well be a troll. Women are not required to take responsibility for anything regarding children generally speaking. A man and a woman make a choice to have consensual unmarried sex. The woman can choose to abort the resulting pregnancy, but the man cannot. The woman can choose to put the child up for adoption, the man will have to fight a legal battle to gain parental rights to prevent that adoption and this is not a guaranteed victory. The woman is most likely to be given the most time with the child if she wants it. The man will be required to pay child support to her even when they have the child an equal amount of time. When the man does get full custody of the child, the mother is rarely made to pay child support, and in some states/cases the father is still paying child support. At no point is the man allowed to choose to not take responsibility, but at almost every point the woman is allowed to make that choice.

      Now to the real discussion. Most child support cases revolve around previously long term committed partners or previously married partners who were raising the kids together. The woman statistically chooses to end the relationships, and the father is suddenly push off the cliff from being an involved dedicated father to a scumbag narcissist who doesn’t care about his kids. The courts perpetuate this story, and award custody of the children to the mother, and the father is now responsible for child support and will be hunted down by armed men with guns and thrown in jail for failing to pay. My child support is based on the state calculator and it far exceeds the actual expenses of the children, so there is an incentive for my ex-wife to keep me having as little time as possible with my kids, because she has more money

      There is a systemic problem that generally hurts men and benefits women. This is why you see men complaining more than women. If men were receiving child support and majority custody, this board would be full of women complaining about the injustices.

    • 👏👏👏well said. My son’s dad is also a narcissist.. I do believe the entire child support system was created because of narcissitic type NCP’s… They BEG you to get it raw..say whatever they need to say to get laid they way they want.. Including the I love you’s. Then when you are preggers they run away like cowards and project their rotton ways on the CP. truth.

      • Yep,’ and it isn’t right that every man (more important CHILD) should suffer because of another man’s actions such as this.

  17. The child also needs housing, electricity, transportation to and from school and school activities, etc. It seems many people don’t want to include these very necessary things. It seems that much of the problem with child support is that the noncustodial parent is so fearful of the custodial parent benefitting from their payment, that they can’t see all their children’s needs. How does one put a price on nights up with sick children, help with homework, doctor visits, etc. There is a great deal that goes into raising a child. The system used to take all household expenses, add them up, and assign a percentage to each child. I believe if that was still in place, today’s cost if living would have noncustodial parents longing for the way things are now!!

    • Oh please, your really have no idea how little the child increases your core living expenses like mortgage/rent, utilities and transportation. One or two children don’t require a large house, but it is what most of us would like to provide. That’s a want not a need, and when the government is taking the money by force from one person to give to another, the line needs to be need.

      Most NCPs want to be there for all those priceless moments, and that is why they are fighting for 50/50. Most of the expenses you view as needing to be shared, need not be shared by one parent paying the other, but can be shared naturally through shared parenting.

      CS has gone up in the current system a significant percentage of the NCPs gross income compared to the court going through the tedious task of calculating and allowing the expenses and then dividing them by income percentage.

    • Hey Reece, many of us NCPs have children living with us, maybe not our biological children, but children just the same and I can assure you, our core living expenses do not increase that drastically due to having my girlfriends son living with us. Please stop with the common sense needs that you “think” no one is aware of, we are well aware of it, and many of us pay those costs and much more in our very on households but have to sacrifice MANY things due to outrageously high child support payments. The only point I will concede to is the water bill goes up DRASTICALLY when you have shower happy teenagers in the house, but that’s about it, even the grocery bill is increased, but not nearly as substantially as you seem to imply.

      Under YOUR retarded logic, the NCPs would be paying 98% of their paychecks. Oh and guess what else, if your kids go to public schools, the super majority of them get rides to school via bus…we just need to pick them up from practice or from meets.

      Also, do you think NCPs want to miss all those great moments with their kids? Of-course not moron, those moments are taken away because 2 adults chose not to make it work for the kids sake, thus one of parents is essentially ROBBED of all those moments. So fuck off with this holier than thou attitude in your post.

      Oh and btw, the system you speak of was NEVER in place and for good reason, because it is retarded.

    • Yes there are additional expenses for having children but it’s not as big as most try to make it out to be. Sure there is more gas spent for example but before one had children an adult had to still pay car insurance and gas and housing costs etc. I’m sorry a young child may Cost a few hundred more not thousands.The biggest expense in a young child’s life is child care. But shame on you if your sending your child to childcare more then the other parents house.

  18. Don’t worry about paying it because when you done paying in a possible 20years she gone be behind in all the benefits you need to live ON around retirement age time OR SOONER and gone be up SHIT CREEK BECAUSE WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND Im 25 AND I HAVE 3 MORE KIDS BESIDES THE ONE IM ON CS FOR AND THEY DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT AND THE government don’t give A FUCk but TALK ABOUT TAKING CARE OF KIDS THEY STAY TAKING FOOD SHELTER AND OR A BETTER LIVING ENVIRONMENT from them sofuckthe government and they shitty their AZZ rules us men need to bring this topic up at presidential debates that’s upcoming until then we fuckd and then these bitches don’t even check up on these dead beat mom’s BUT WILL COME GET US MEN IN A HEARTBEAT… ONCE AGAIN FUCK THE GOVERNMENT with a big long Dick..straight like that and Obama a bitch two for not helping in the first place and all the previous PRESIDENTS THAT AIN’T HELP NEITHER in lil BOOSIE FUCK THE…… NOW READ THAT

  19. I have a situation where the courts used wages from a job I had 2 years previous and used that as income to start a child support case. How is that even legal!? I was unemployed and in order to find a way to start it you use the wage when both parents were together? And each time I send in a modification the courts “never receive it”. 3 years later my yearly has gone down but support has gone up. The custodial has always made double my salary and now the support exceeds my monthly income. It’s just funny how the courts can find the wages to increase but when it needs to be decreased they turn a blind eye and act like they don’t know how much I take home.
    Instead of clumping all cases together the courts need to be proactive in each case and take into account what the custodial is spending especially when it exceeds what the non-custodial can pay.

    • Ok I have to chime in on this here as a SINGLE MOTHER. Why aren’t u single mothers working while the father has visitation (obv speaking to those whose children visit their fathers)?? My ex takes the kids Friday night until Sunday night. I pull in 40 hours in that little bit of time. It’s called “sacking up” and guess what? I refuse to take my sons father for child support payments. Wanna know why? Bc I could give a shit less. He helps out when he can, so why should I cripple him financially when he’s just as broke as the rest of us? Unless the father is completely absent with no weekend visitation and you have ZERO family support or babysitter outside of a day care center- you’ve got no excuse. I bust my ass for my kids doing what the free loading child support moms do PLUS working 40 hrs a week and going to school online. Do this and then tell me about responsibility…

      • Amen Gina. I know this one girl with two kids. Left her husband moved with military guy who pays all her bills. Fight kids father for primary custody put him on child support. Take his entire pay check. Put kids in an expensive daycare just for extra support calculations. Take kids out of daycare after order Is set. Stays home and collect. Send father daycare worksheet to pretend they are in daycare. A year later father found out kids were not in daycare, took her back to mediation fir modification. She told them she was putting them back. Father’s child support calculation went up again. Father fought it and got child support dropped down to $1100 a month since mother is not working so no longer need daycare. Comes to find out she owns her own business and is working under the table not paying taxes. Making 1000 plus a week working at home while father brings home 100 a week after working 40 hours plus. Father will be taking her back to court in near future since kids are in school and has no reason to be at home not working. And if she tries to fight it father will bring proof of her working all this time and claiming to be unemployed. Of and he see kids on weekends, holidays for extended time and drives to see them when ever posible. How is this fair? All he wants is 50/50 of his kids. Ps she didn’t even want kids until she started getting the checks. And she claims both for taxes even though he pays her $22000 a year.

  20. To the person posting as Christy(with a Y and not an I), Assuming you are the same person, you DO realize that you have contradicted yourself numerous times right? How can you have worked hard your “entire life”(“2-3 jobs at a time”), but also have been a “stay-at-home mom for 10 years” and ALSO have 2 children “under 5 years old”? Were you a stay-at-home mom-to-be 4 years before you decided to get pregnant?

    Hopefully, this is a different person using the same name, but judging by the writing style, combative tone, and insane amount of back patting occurring in all the posts, its the same person. I bet you are the Facebook mother of the year without multiple kids taken from you by child support services, that is the only way you could have possibly been a stay-at-home mom for 10 years but only have children taht are under 5 years old.

    OK, on to my story.

    My EX and I had 2 children together at a very young age. I was active duty military and had to do a short deployment to Bosnia just after the birth of our daughter, but before the birth of our son. I thought everything was going fine, we lived on the west coast where I was stationed(we are both originally from MA). Upon returning from my combat deployment, I discovered that my ex left me.(Why Thanks EX). No other reason then, “I just didn’t like it there”.

    Moving on…

    I have been stuck in a child support FUCKING NIGHTMARE ever since and its been a fucking long as time as my kids are BOTH 18 or older now. Now I have been faithfully paying between 500-600 per week in child support for many years now. I have not had any issues paying this amount and I have voluntarily increased the amount paid a couple of times, both when I got a new job and made more money. I knew about the new Child support laws in MA as soon as they came out and modified(increased, NEVER DECREASED) the amount paid to reflect the new laws. To me, that seemed very fair. The last increase was from 560 to 600 a week and that was in November of 2014. One thing really bothered me though. She never worked. I mean seriously, this woman has not had a job since I left the military. She lives in a beautiful home in a very wealthy area in MA due to some low income subsidized low interest home loan or something like that.

    I on the other hand, have been working the entire time, honing my skill-set, bettering myself, trying to make a career in my chosen line of work. She used to constantly ask me for extra money for things and I would always say yes. I would often ask her why she was not working, especially when our kids were in middle school, and then high school, and she would always say she was “looking” and couldn’t find anything. Every now and then, she would get a part time job as a cashier or something, but nothing ever full time, and nothing ever lasted.

    Meanwhile, she has this super low mortgage payment(she told me what it was), was getting subsidized heat and electricity, food stamps, Free healthcare(MASS Health) even though I have been paying for a full fucking family medical, dental, and vision plan for HER AND THE KIDS for over 15 years.

    One day, about 10 years ago, she tells me the kids need braces. As it was coming up on the end of the year, I told her to go ahead and have braces done for our oldest, and at the start of the new year, my yearly Dental limits will reset and we can have our son done. She said OK, no problem. What does she do though? The stupid bitch has them BOTH DONE at the same fucking time, blowing my dental limit out of the water and leaving my with a $12,000 out of pocket bill to pay. All because the fucking cunt could not wait 45 days between kids. If you thought I was mad then, you should hear the next story.(yes I paid the fucking money over the course of 3 fucking years).

    About a year or so later, I notice that I keep getting these fucking co-pay bills from various Doctors offices and they are for our kids, so I naturally pay them as they are bills and are addressed to me. Now it was not much per bill, usually 10 to 15 dollars or something, but they started coming in 3-4 per week and it was really having an impact on my bottom line, so I called her…for months about them. FINALLY, one day she calls me back because she needed money for something, and I ask about all these small bills. I told her I am getting sick and tired of paying these fucking things and that I pay a boatload of money already between child support, medical, dental, vision, band, soccer, baseball, tennis, skateboarding, YMCA, YWCA, Summer camps, etc…

    You know what she says? She says “fine, I will just submit them to MASS Health, they will pay them”. I’m like, WHAT THE FUCK? You have MASS HEALTH? why the fuck am I paying for all this medical coverage if you have MASS Health for the kids. That shit costs me $1,100 dollars a month alone. Her reply, “well i use whichever one has a cheaper co-pay and the kids doctors said they will just send a bill for the co-pays under your insurance, so that’s what I have been using, I don’t want to pay all that money every time we go to the doctor”. I am like, WTF, neither do fucking I? Why not just submit them to MASS fucking health then?? Her response, “why, if you keep paying them?”

    I wanted to blow a fucking gasket, I swear to fucking god.

    Additionally, she has NEVER let me claim either of the kids for taxes EVER. Despite the fact that it is in our fucking divorce decree. The sad thing is that she actually does HAVE TO SIGN A LEGAL DOCUMENT every year that I want to claim them as she is the Custodial Parent. She refuses to sign that document, and because of it, I am not allowed to claim the kids, if I do claim them, and she does too, I will be forced to pay the money back as she is the custodial and it is on me to get proof that I am supposed to be claiming them that year. To date, I have never known what it is like to claim my children on my taxes and get any form of tax relief. It been a truly miserable and disgusting existence.

    You think its bad so far? Just wait, it gets worse…MUCH WORSE.

    So fast forward to September of last year(2015). I get laid off from my 95K a year job. I suffer a bout of depression and tried to commit suicide by hanging, I failed and was committed for a few days into a psych ward.(after a couple days in the hospital due to the neck injury(non permanent thank god). Now that is on me, that was my own mistake, but the stress of losing my job really scared the shit out of me as I still have a mortgage payment to make, I still have to pay my car payment, all my bills, and child support, so the stress took its toll on me, I drank too much and tried to hurt myself, I own that OK. My mistake. Moving on…

    In October of 2015(only home from the hospital about 2 weeks), I get a court summons because she wants the order modified. She actually just mailed it to my house, and get this, the hearing was for the following Monday(like 4 days away). So I call her up and of-course get no answer at all, despite leaving numerous voice mails and text messages…no response. So I show up to the court hearing, thinking, OK, it will probably be lowered since I just lost my job. We start talking to the workers outside the court room and the guy basically tells me that she is trying to increase the order because she thinks I got a raise. I inform him that not only did I NOT get a raise, but that I just lost my job and have not even started collecting unemployment yet. I let him know that I currently have ZERO income coming in. He seems to respect the situation and brings the EX over, and informs both of us that we will leave things status quo for now as I am not working but then tells me right in front of her that I am paying WAY OVER my court ordered amount per week. I tell him I know that, but the court order is over 15 years old, we never came to court to adjust it and that I have been paying her a separate check or cash(with receipts) every week in addition to the amount paid to the State. He asks her if this was true and she said that it was. He asked me for proof that I had been paying that much, and for how long. In a beautiful twist, My EX had it all documented, every fucking penny accounted for, it was perfect. The guy was impressed that we were able to work together for so many years without the courts getting involved at all. He informs both of us that that they will push this hearing out for around 3 months and review it then, after I have a new job. we both agree and I go on my way.

    Now keep in mind, this was done in the court house by a court employee and I have everything documented. Now imagine my surprise when I get a letter from the courts in November 2015, stating that a “default judgement” was issued against me for failure to appear. Apparently, there was a hearing the first week of November that I had absolutely zero knowledge of. The “new” judgement used the DOR(Department of Revenue) to get some financial data on me and determined that my new child support order amount be increased to 787.33 per week. PER FUCKING WEEK!!!

    I immediately call the courts and ask what the heck is going on, the magistrate tells me that it appears as though I missed a hearing in early November. I let her know that I was just at a hearing in the middle of October, and that we were not supposed to review it for 3 months. She said she saw that was on record, but that my EX filed another motion on that very day, and this November hearing was a result of that motion. She also tells me that they have no record of me being served, or notified of this hearing in any way, so this will be fixed and not to worry.

    She informs me that she is going to mail me a “Motion for Relief” form, and all I have to do is fill it out, mail it back to her, and that the judge will more than likely approve it and we will get a new court date.

    Well here we are, February 22, 2016 and I just got a letter back on Friday DENYING my motion of relief. No reason listed at all, just a big old X on the Denied option. Meanwhile, I am still not fucking working, I have 4 formal interviews this week, had 3 last week, and am expecting to get at least 2 offers over the next week or 2, but guess what? I have no money left in my savings account. It is all gone. I am now 3 months behind on my mortgage. Thank GOD I just started receiving my unemployment checks 3 weeks ago as I literally had to wait 3 months for them to send me my first check. Its a fucking shame man, the whole fucking thing.

    Oh, and one more zinger for all of you out there. Want to know the reason why my savings account is officially empty? It was not because of child support or mortgage payments(although those did contribute), it was to cut a check for $27,000 to UMASS for my now 19 year old daughter to go to college there full time. Meanwhile, I am 3 months behind on my mortgage,and If I don’t send them something soon, they are going to start foreclosure. I finally spoke to a lawyer to get some help(thank god it was a friend of the family and was free) and he told me that I am fucked…that there is NOTHING I can do aside from going after my EX for FULL CUSTODY of both kids. He said that the courts won’t care that I just paid all that money for college and that is a separate issue entirely and has no impact on my child support. He also said that the fact that I am not currently working will not help either as the courts will simply state that I have had a history of making a certain amount of money, and will “impute” that figure into my work sheet and that I have no leg to stand on what so ever. He stated that just because she chooses not to work makes zero difference.

    So for all of you “stay-at-home-moms out there who do not have another person living with you supporting your need to be a stay at home mom, FUCK YOU. You slimy piles of shit cause so much fucking burden on your hard working baby daddys AND THE STATE AND FEDERAL GOVERNMENT because you want to stay at home all fucking day raising your fucking kids.

    Guess what? I have been there for both of mine their entire lives, I have spilled blood for this country and their future rights and liberties and even did everything I could to ensure my little girl got to go to the College SHE chose, and now the fucking courts have increased that weekly amount so much that I simply can not pay it. My arrearages are starting to add up(easy when you are ordered to pay that fucking much a week), and my stress level is higher than it has ever been. I seriously do not know how much longer I can continue this fight. I really need to hear from one of these companies regarding a new position very soon. I am drowning, all due to a greedy EX that simply refuses to work due to be a stay-at-home mom to her 19 year old daughter(living in a college dorm currently) and an 18 year old high school senior.

    Guess what dumb ass? Us dads love our kids just as much as you do, the courts are so fucking stacked against us, we have no fucking choice BUT to work hard. You want to stop sexism? Stop perpetuating the fucking myth that A Mothers love is much deeper than anything else, its not fucking true, us guys are getting fucked over by you little assholes every day, and you act like fucking victims. You are not victims, you are the criminals. Go earn your own fucking way in life, learn some fucking skills so you can provide a better life for your kids. Not a life of section 8 and food stamps while getting the baby daddy child support to live on.

    Just to be clear here as well, fuck you to all you deadbeat dads that never try to pay shit, you are scum of the earth, and also while I am at it, fuck you to all those idiots that say moms should have to prove what they use child support for. there are so many fucking financial challenges that she has to pay every fucking day that you have no clue about, so shut the fuck up about this itemizing shit so you can ensure its going to your kids. If she has them full time and you don’t, she has to maintain the roof the kids live under, even if it is section 8. There are still tons of dollars paid out that indirectly support the kids so fuck off with all that shit, and another fuck you to all the moms out there who piss that money away on new hair doos and stupid material things while your fridge is empty.

    • Hi Jon, you sound like a wonderful daddy. I don’t know why you have confusion regarding my contradictions. Maybe I wasn’t clear enough, typos, idk and I don’t feel like scrolling and re-reading. I’ve worked 2-3 jobs many times in my life is what I mean. I have 4 children. I don’t feel like repeating anything I already said earlier. Nobody on here has the right to name call anyone because none of us know anyone on here. We don’t have facts just hearsay. I work part time but not enough that I use daycare. Caretakers are too much money and I don’t have free government crap like some men on here assumed smdh. I go to church, teach my children integrity, constantly busy with my children’s Dr appts, errands, calls, chores, etc. Raising 4 children alone is like 2 or 3 full time jobs. I’m overwhelmed to the point I feel depressed sometimes. It’s too much to do by myself. As my kids grow and become more independent it will be a tad easier as they don’t need me to dress them, bathe them, etc. I don’t know how women raise multiple children alone without feeling overwhelmed or depressed but maybe they do feel the same as I do. I would love to afford daycare. My house would stay clean longer lol! I have no high paying job that would give me take home pay after paying daycare, babysitter, or after school care costs. I don’t know what fantasy land some people live on to think every single mom is entitled to section 8, free everything, etc lol. I wish I didn’t have to pay rent lmao!

  21. Many parents have to realize child support its not a ponishment it’s responsibility. Yes, many woman who used their children to make money and not work, but there’s also a lot of us mothers who work hard to provide shelter, a roof over our child’s head to just have daddy call you or text you today they feel like seen Their child it’s not fair either.

    • Supporting your children is a responsibility. Paying child support is not the same thing. That is a government transfer of wealth from one parent to the other based upon where the government decides the child should live. That is usually decided by figuring out which parent has more money to take. Child support also transfers the decision making power from the paying parent to the receiving parent. It literally makes one parent inconsequential from an upbringing perspective. Too bad the scheme doesn’t account for the reality of the emotional well being of the parent relegated to a second class position or the children who lose their guidance and support as a result.

  22. I have asked to use a shared checking account like this one ( that both parents contribute to in order for my ex-wife and I to share the responsibility for providing for our children’s needs, but my family court judge refused, stating that “your [voluntarily unemployed ex-]wife (NOT our children) deserves that money” and that I was going to pay the full, guideline amount of ‘child support’ because I was not going to be allowed to become a ‘deadbeat’ dad.

    And they wonder why non-custodial parents become political activists.

  23. My sperm donor was ordered to pay child support and got 6 weeks per year visitation and phone access that he never used while my unmarried mother got default Sole Custody. He fought paying child support like hell afraid his precious career and standard of living and marriage would suffer so he racked up tens of thousands of dollars of arrears by the time I graduated high school. When I started university he all of a sudden wanted to make nice and loads of excuses, but I wanted nothing to do with him at all,didn’t want him to know a thing about me and definitely never wanted to see him. I knew something was up and it was. His passport had been cancelled and liens taken out against his assets by the government over the arrearage. He wanted me to tell the judge that we had reunited, he was paying my expenses himself now personally, and there was no need to pursue the arrearage. I told him if he ever contacted me again I would take out harassment charges with the police and told the judge he was nothing but a worthless deadbeat who I hoped had the book thrown at him. With no valid passport he lost his cushy government job and is endanger of imprisonment. Certainly he is no father of mine. I’m a proud bastsrd. I don’t feel sorry for him. He knew his predicament (marriage) when he was on the prowl for single young women selling them lies to get in their beds and not using protection!

    • Wait, so you’re bad mouthing him and your child was given to your MOTHER..and you had your child while still in high school?? And you are questioning his life choices??

  24. Wow, Jon, what an ordeal. I feel for you, I really do. And I hope you are in a better place mentally so you can stay healthy and alive for your kids and yourself. Sorry, man. And thanks for your service to this country.

    What’s sad is that everyone’s opinions here are based on their own experiences, and it’s easy to generalize and assume every situation is like their own. Couple that with anger and resentment over what some idiot co-parent is doing/has done, and of course, we are all mad as hell. I’d like to think we are all biased and that *most* people co-parent fairly. At least that is my hope.

    For example, my anger with my ex is that he CHOSE to not have physical custody at all. I offered to split it because I am a working mom and I used to have to travel some for work. The kids wanted to split their time with us, it helped me with being able to provide for my family, and it meant their dad could also share time and parenting with them. Seems like a win-win, doesn’t it? NOOOO, he ONLY wanted every other weekend and midweek “dinner” until 8pm once a week (when the kids begged for an extra overnight with him). He makes a lot less than I do even though he can make more, just so his child support payments don’t go up. So he pays…wait for it… $175 a week for BOTH kids. AND NOTHING MORE. When my son has asked him to get a hair cut, his response has been, “ask your mom, that’s what I pay child support for.” He works at a bank. And as such, he has every single minor holiday that the kids also have off. i don’t. I’ve tired of asking him if they could stay with him on those days because you know, I have to work. His response? “Nope, not my days. Plus I have plans.” He always “has plans” when I need him to help with taking the kids, or keeping them an extra hour here and there. I usually end up having to ask a friend or relative if he can drop them off at their house for an hour or two until I get home. Same thing for February break, Spring break, Winter break, etc. I end up using most of my vacation times for that, which cuts back on any vacation time I’d love to enjoy with the kids in the summer. He fought against having the kids on those Monday holidays like Memorial Day, Labor Day, etc., as well as New Year’s, which I had proposed we shared every other year, etc. Basically, he wanted the MINIMUM amount of time with them and only have visitation rather than custody. Two years ago I was laid off after being at my last job for 8 years. I didn’t bother to go for a modification because I figured I’d find something quick. It took me 4 months. I did collect unemployment but that is pennies compared to what I needed, and had to use what was left after my divorce in my measly savings account to supplement. Not only did he ever ask me if I’d be ok financially or if I needed temporary help here and there (and I don’t bother to ask him because I know), but when I asked him to put the kids on his health insurance because COBRA was about to kick in and there was no way I could afford it, he complained that it would decrease his pay, even though I said hopefully it will only be a month or two at the most until I find a job. I was willing to go health-ins free but didn’t want the kids to. As for the weekends, I had asked for them to stay with until Monday mornings so he can take them to school, and he refuses, preferring to, no wait, demanding to bring them home Sundays at 6pm. Fine, whatever. They WANT to stay with him and it really would be easier because for some reason the transition for them on Sunday nights are awful. Now, they stay with him Wednesdays overnights (a “concession” he made at the courthouse), and they do much better this way. And I chuckle, but he almost always brings them home just before 6. If I ask him to bring them home early, he says, SURE, no problem. If I ask him to bring them home any later, it’s always an issue that results in texts to me about how inconsiderate I am with his time. Ok, sure, sorry buddy.

    My divorced male friends and relatives are appalled, as many of them have paid thousands of dollars to get MORE time with their kids; to get the opportunity PARENT them. They can’t believe how little he does. He does just enough to make him appear to be involved, but really, he is more like a fun uncle. I call him Uncle Dad (not to the kids). Because I do ALL of the parenting, plus a full time job, which by the way, pays 25% less than I was making in my previous job. BUT, I don’t have to travel and it is less demanding, which I need so I can be the primary caregiver to my kids. All of this of course, as many custodial parents know, the doctor and dentist appointments, parent teacher conferences, homework every.single.night, the worrying, planning, sick time, stressing, trying to make everything work, etc.

    I can go on and on, like the time my son asked him if he could watch the Superbowl with him because our team was in it (Patriots), and he said, no sorry buddy, I already have plans. My son cried and when I shared that with him, he accused me of poisoning him against him. I called a bunch of friends to see who we can watch with and were luckily invited somewhere to watch, where there were other kids.

    Oh, and did I mention, he lives in his girlfriend’s home, and they go away all the time to Foxwoods, the Caribbean, etc. Never tells any of us (including the kids), has never taken them anywhere besides a theme park or a beach for the day here and there, and refused to swap weekends with me to so I could attend a relative’s funeral in Florida over Labor Day weekend a few years back (it was his weekend “off” and he “had plans”) and since I couldn’t afford THREE last-minute airline tickets, I wasn’t going to be able to go. Luckily, a good friend of mine offered to stay with them at my house so I could attend. Thank goodness for angels like her in my life.

    My oldest son had been struggling in school, so I am now sending him to a private school in which he does so much better. I asked him for help, even if it’s just a extra $50 or $100 a month to help with the cost of uniforms and books, but of course he says he can’t afford it. Since I CHOSE to do this, he can’t be forced to pay. And whatever, it is what it is. I can only afford it because I paid my car off last year and instead of putting that extra money in savings or toward retirement, I am paying for his education.

    So, in my opinion, I feel like the courts should FORCE split custody (unless there are safety concerns, of course) rather than allow for just visitation as a right and not an obligation. There is absolutely nothing I can do though to increase the time they spend with their dad. I can’t force him to help more (with his time), and the kids don’t ask him for more anymore because as they say (their words, not mine) “he’ll just say no.”

    It would be easy for me to generalize and say that all men are selfish people who suck at parenting because they can’t see past their own narcissistic desires. But I know that’s not true. Just like I know that all of the stories here are not representative of how EVERYONE is. The courts can’t account for all the dipshi**ts in this world. But the can and should establish a minimum child support amount to ensure that some support is given. But trust me when I tell you that that amount is pennies compared to what the custodial parent contributes, both in time and money. Usually without question, too.

  25. Wow Shawn, no wonder you’re not still with your child’s mother! What a #$$#%% geez! Listen to how quick you are to name calling and being so offensive. This is just sharing views and opinions not proving who’s right or wrong or anything. My ex is a druggie douche and you sound just like him. Smdh. Get a clue! Have a good day! Your words irked me enough to respond.

    • You are male, simple…unless the law changes (I have hope) soon, don’t have a child unless you are perfectly OK with paying mom to raise the child as you “visit” your child 4 days out of the month. That should RAP IT UP dude!

  26. This blog is spot on. People are using ridiculously one-sided child support laws as primary income rather than for the best interest of the children. These people need to be exposed for the scoundrels they are and forced to pay the money back to their children or perhaps even sent to jail. Until then, does anyone know how we can lobby to get the law changed?

    • No, but I’m 120% on the idea and it’s nothing new. People have been protesting at court houses though. They are never heard. It makes to much money for the state, it is sad.

    • I agree it definitely needs to change and as great as our country is suppose to be a man is put thru the ringer for trying to be a father to his child.

  27. Most people aren’t bad mothers or fathers. To each of you on here, even the mean bitter ones, I’m sorry to hear about the issues you have with your exes. Everyone with bad exes. We all have different opinions but the best thing that still exists is humanity and the reason for it is Jesus! We are all God’s children. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don’t feel bitter and act out your anger to everyone else in society regardless if they are a non working single mother, druggie prostitute, anything. Don’t judge others as bad parents or people in general when you don’t know them personally, have all the facts, or walked a mile in their shoes. You never know, you could be surprised what someone has gone through. You just never know. Have compassion for others. Have faith in Jesus. Most people aren’t bad but all people are human and make mistakes.

    • agreed, but the problem is… “love of money is the most evilest thing in the world”. It’s becoming a part of our culture and I want to dismiss myself from it (never my children).

  28. I have a couple of questions. Hopefully, some one can answer them. First, my son was just told that he’s the father of a 5 month old baby he knew nothing about. He hasn’t taken a DNA test yet. If the baby is his, can the mom get him for back child support? Second, my son’s name is not on the birth certificate, but the moms current boyfriend is listed as the father. If this is my son’s baby, can he have his name put on the birth certificate?

    • 1. yes, if baby is his after test. I would do it privately if able, offer to baby sit :-). Do everything you can to avoid “child support” but also do anything you can to keep child in your son’s life and he should do the same.
      2. Yes, after test but what will happen is “child support” payments must be made any time mom goes to court and files.

  29. What planet are you from? Child support is not entitlement. I work in a hospital with excellent insurance. I provide for my children both teenagers now and before that when the father was in the picture I was a stay at home mom. When he decided to move to another state to avoid paying child support. I didn’t go on welfare I got a job. Yes my children needed to eat. He workers for his mother who helped him hide his assets. So he is self employed and makes 300.00 a month. Fathers will go to great lengths not to pay child support. Self employed, under employed hiding assets, no bank accounts. That’s okay because now that he owed over $550,000 in support he deserves everything that will happen to him. He refuses to have anything to do with his children which is a whole other issue. No license suspension, no jail, no federal prosecution that’s a lie I don’t know if one deadbeat that went to jail. When I did get child support I paid the electric bill, bought food, clothes and maybe we could splurge and go to the movies. Sorry, I couldn’t send my son to basketball camp, no swimming lessons for my daughter but my kids have all they need. All the single moms I know are busting their butts just to cover rent so they don’t end up homeless. No boob jobs here.

    • just thought I’d let you know…I’m on this “pay to play plan” and I’m sure he is on the same F’n plan as I am. That is why we don’t get to see them! Go pound sand.

  30. I am a custodial parent (court ordered). My sons mother has some major drug problems and cps has taken away her other children(not mine). She is on welfare and has been for many years. Recently I was broght to court for child support. Not because I dont take care of my child. My child lives with me full time. My ex lives in my house. I pay all the utilities, taxes, upkeep…all the stuff that comes with owning a home. So I appear in court and the department of social services is there with their 3 lawyers. Long story short. The court awarded The Department of Social Services a monthly child support payment of $563.02 per month from me as repayment of welfare for my ex. This money goes directly to the state. She doesnt see a dime. My child suffers because its money taken away from us to live. My child benifits in no concevable way from this order. The system is very corrupt. This case took place in the town of Oswego, NY 13126 at the family court house (which is a governmental micky mouse operation).

    • I’m really struggling with this concept of child support and feel that I’m being punished for actions I engaged in and have taken responsibiliy for. My story is all to common and my voice is muttered and ignored like many others who complain of this dastardly burden that is “child support.” I’m A Dad and have been there for my son since day one, despite all the hoops and red tape I sliced through. Of course his mother and I don’t get along and how could we when i was paying almost 900 dollars in CS a month along with lawyer fees and loans for 2 legal trials
      at one point in time. Im paying 770$ now and cannot save a dime if I tried. My son is almost 3 and is growing up to fast.My time is limited now but will increase with time through the court orders. Its hard to mind your P’s and Q’s around such a little soul when bills are all you have coin for and food is scarce, especially when you have a career and aren’t just jumping through hoops in a customer service yes sir type of scenario! I’m fired up about it everyday! when I wake up I’m immediately reminded of it simply because im forced to budget or work with what I have. Sadly I’m an alcoholic and discovered this when I realized that hope for the future was just that, hope…The reality is that I just hope to get I continue to ask that daring question…Can I maintain a stable home and lifestyle full of promise and integrity? Afterall my little man is deserving of such. The truth is I can’t afford a drink and if I had the extra loot I would partake in livations when my little dude isn’t around because this is no way to live. I seriously can’t explain the torture that this law or financial ruin is doing to my confidence my ethics and my psyche. My incentive to get ahead in this world has been flattened and squashed like an old Halloween pumpkin that has withered in the bitter harshness of Winter. Despite all my rage Im still just a rat in a cage. I have no money but I pay my bills on time and support not only my baby’s mama but her fiance, my GF her daughter and my own son. my time with him now is limited but I fight every day as if it was my last because in the end its not the money that matters right? Well I’m pretty hungry, I’ve got two eggs a slice of cheese some potatoes and roman noodles to last til Thursday. I’m going to finally take my journeymans exam which I’ve been putting off for about a year now, why you ask? well.. I have the pleasure of dealing with a self absorbed vindictive narcissistic type of individual who hasn’t had that positive male role model present in her life. She’s Preying upon my greenbacks like a Savage addict just itching for a taste. So where is my incentive to get ahead if it’s all in jeopardy of making my payment increase??!. I thought life was supposed to become easier when you work harder. This has proven to not be the case here and between turning grey and being denied any extra time with my son I can see why. I made a mistake. A beautiful accident, a living and breathing little heart and smile. So when I reach into that empty wallet I’ll remember what truly inspires me to press on through this Horseshit of debt and credit card bills. my son because when he’s smiling and happy even though I’m tormented and depressed , I’ll know in my heart that I sacrificed everything I could to make it a little better for him. In thee end Its better to be broke in my opinion for at least I know that I deserve the respect. Far to many children go Fatherless in America for me to complain about a lil funny money. Cheers.

      • well said. We are slowly turning into a police state, look around what’s happening. People are getting real pissed off at the government. It’s gonna get worse if shit don’t start smelling better for all of us.

    • Oh shit!!!!! I know exactly where that is. I used to live in Rochesyer and my wife is from Binghamton. Its funny you used Mickey mouse operation…no one here may even know what that means…I do, and 100% agree. Im so, so sorry. Im on my cell so apologize for type o’s. I have to pay cs too…in Nc. More that 45% of my small military paycheck, for 1 damn child.

  31. Weird. Last time I checked, it took two people to create a child. I’m assuming you couldn’t say no to unprotected sex? I love how every custodial parent uses the cliche terms, such as narcissist. Nothing is ever wrong with them, it’s always the NCP, which is usually the guy. As the CP bashes the father all over the Internet, it obvious that the CP bashes the NCP in front of the child also. Oh and BTW, I won my child support case this week, but you’ll never hear me bad mouth my child’s mother. Something to think about. “Nothing worse than a woman scorned.”

  32. I rarely post comments but this topic needs to be addressed and re-evaluated in government. How about we pass a law for equality for mothers and fathers. Both mothers and fathers who were or were not trying to conceive a child both know the ramifications of your actions. So why can’t both parents get the opportunity to see and support their children. Why does having a child and not being together have to result in a war about how much money you will receive or pay, or who works and who doesn’t. I highly agree that both parents should set a role for their children that if you ever want anything in life you need to work hard to achieve it. I pay $800 in child support a month and $400 a month in insurance for my child, my wife, and myself. I get the usual court appointed every other wknd and two weeks in the summer, every other holiday schedule. When I ask for more time the mother denies it because it means if our visitation schedule changes that our child support may be lowered. Mind you she owns her own business. I do not mind paying child support. I do it no problem because I want my child taken care of. But what bothers me is there are fathers that want more time and get shut down every time like my time doesn’t matter. When clearly my child wants to spend time with me. Another thing when your child calls the stepfather daddy because that dad is in your child’s life more than you are. How does that help the father/ child relationship? Especially when the actual father would gladly accept more time with the child when offered. But of course the only time it’s offered is when it’s convenient for the other party. Maybe we should think of the child and what he or she might want… if you ask my child he wants his mother and father. Although it’s not possible to give him that at the same time in the words of a seven year old, “Dad why can’t you and my mom share me? I spend half my time with her and half my time with you… It’s only fair.” A seven year old can speak the truth about fairness better than any adult. #equality #mothersandfathersarethesameintheeyesofachild #fairness#shareyourkid #kidsdonotequalmoney #loveislove

  33. Amen. Welol said. I was actually commended by the Judge today because he said for the first time in his 6 years in family court, he’s never seen a NCP pay $120 more per week than required. Yet, she is still denying my increased parenting time. Simply because that will mean less money in her pocket. It’s not about the children to them, it’s about getting money, playing the “single mother” role for sympathy and making daddy look like an asshat. I will NEVER give up on my two children. Unfortunately, their mother will be in for a rude awakening when they realize that everything that has been said to make me look bad is untrue, resulting in a lack of trust, loss of respect and resentment. I wish it didn’t have to be that way, but she refuses to work with me whatsoever.

    • I feel ya man. Nothing but a money making game and it’s sad it has been taken out on the children of America. They suffer the most. I really dislike our country for this reason all alone. I’m about ready to move by boat if I must.

  34. Simple easy fix,,, but does the government really want it is the question for both parents.

    fix- At separation defult setting is 50/50 custody. If this setting is breached more than 3 times a year is when “child support” payments are enforced at an alarming rate (ha, as they are now). These law present today should be for the parent whom choses not to be in the lives of the children! It’s that simple and much less painful for most important…The CHILDREN.

  35. We really need to start sticking together and come up with a plan. What about …one (no child support) month and start from there slowly increasing the number of months every year as we demand more time. We must break this system together as a team. June 2017 would be the perfect month to start with. I have no problem with going indoor camping (jail) with all my fellow good hearted dads out there. Reply here if you like this idea and spread the word. Next year is way to long from now isn’t it though? We should just all show up at the court house that month ready to go to jail on June 1 ready to crowd house. I’m singing Twisted Sister right now “we’re not gonna take it….”.

  36. Yep. My boyfriends ex spends money on vacations, her nails and hair, expensive clothes and restaurants and yet my boyfriend is required to pay her child support because he makes slightly more, even though the split custody 50/50. She left him for an old dude with lots of money. Meanwhile we just had a baby and yet she continues to abuse him verbally. She’s a nut. I wish we could use her social media showing her in Vegas, Hawaii, vail… Against her. All the posts of expensive trips and alcohols and we struggle and can’t do anything fun with our kids while she gets to take my boyfriends money and spend it on herself.

    • Taking away a mother or father from a child’s life is wrong. Divorce harms the children more than either parent. Our calendar, and school system makes it impossible for true 50/50 custody, so there shall always be 1 parent deemed custodial. In cases where both parents are fighting for custody, the courts should split custody as much as possible or require parents to live within a certain radius (walking distance preferred) of one another to allow children easy access to both parents. This works best if both parents are already working so the living radious could be located so that work commute is equal for both parents. Custodial parent should be the one who can better afford to raise the children, but medical, clothing, and school expense should be shared. Clothing expense is on a set allowance per child per time period. Both parents are required to work regardless of daycare expense, since both parents are required to work, daycare cost is split. Food is provided by whichever parent has them during a time period on their own. If lack of experience prevents a parent from working, that parent is required to attend job training until employable. The unemployable parent can go on welfare (for up to 5 years) until they receive work. If they can’t find work after 5 years, they really aren’t trying hard enough, or need to lower their standards. Can’t afford shelter now? Should have worked harder on saving your marriage, instead, call mom or dad, brother, sister, church, section 8, whoever; it is now each parents responsibility to provide housing to support the split family during their custody time. Neither parent should have to help provide housing except for their children. This will motivate people to better their station in life, which betters the lives of their children and our country as a whole.
      Since both parents are equally responsible for putting their children at a disadvantage in life, the required child support payment gets deposited into a low/med risk mutual fund until the child is 18 years old, at that time the child may use some of the money to pay for college, if the child decides not to goto college, the money continues to be invested or gets transferred to a trust account until the child is 26 years old (age human brains mature) so they will be at a point in life where they can spend the money more wisely.
      This eliminates the argument about how the money is being spent and truly ends up benefitting the child better in the long run. This also prevents one parent becoming dependant on child support and will motivate both parents to continue bettering themselves and their careers since increases in CS will become irrelevant, which eliminates the mindset of “why should I make more money if I’m just going to have to pay him/her more”. Since both parents are now motivated to increase their quality of life, this creates a better life for the children as they grow, and they still have a lovely nest-egg (depending on age during divorce and stock market events) when they get older. It’s a win for everyone.
      Many father’s want equal time with their kids and even try and negotiate fair time with their ex. In my experience, it is the woman who squashes this plan because they are confident on how the court will rule, are angry at their ex, and want to hurt him without regard of the damage that causes their children even though they all claim to be the greatest mother that ever lived. No parent is perfect, I think every parent who has ever lived has damaged their child in some way, shape, or form. So both parents need to accept that neither parent is perfect and you’re not going to parent the same way, or agree how to parent; both parents need to accept that children do better with a mom and dad who want to be a part of their lives and should embrace that regardless of how they feel about each other.
      Intentionally harming one parents financial status will only create resentment and harm that parents ability to properly provide for their children.
      It takes 2 to marry, 2 to have kids, and 2 to divorce. I don’t care what the situation was. We all made vows to stand together forever, and we all lied. There are ways to either fix or forgive; instead, we all gave up on our spouse. We may hate each other, but there are no greater 2 people in the eyes of children than their actively involved mom and dad. Let parents who want to be active, be active.
      This is just a quick thought from reading 4 years of comments in 20 minutes. I’m sure the plan has flaws, but it is a start. Yes, it will be more difficult than probably any other plan, but the difficulty will be shared equally. Child support with this method will benefit the child better than any system I currently seen in place, and no more complaints about having to support the other parent instead of the children. I welcome thoughts, questions, arguments, and additions to this plan. Again, this was a quick thought to solve some issues all written on my phone, so I’m aware it’s not perfect.

      • Your thoughts seem based on what would be a fair agreement, if the parents agreed to it. For a template there are way too many requirements in there, and a good chunk of them are only really possible for families with a good income. I also take issue with the idea it takes two to divorce. It takes two to marry, it takes two to have kids, but it takes one to divorce. I also know that 50/50 can work when parents live a reasonable distance from each other. It doesn’t have to be in walking distance, but it needs to be a distance that the parent who doesn’t live inside the school boundaries is able to get the kids to school on their time. I know, because I have done it.

  37. You’re right. My template is likely not feasible, even for my situation; but I would still prefer CS go to a mutual fund instead of the other parent. If I win custody (yea right), that is what I intend to do with CS payments after they are out of daycare.
    The divorce taking 1 or 2 people is debateable. I did inform my ex I did not want to get divorced and wanted to work out our issues. She claimed our issues were unresolvable. She chose to get divorced against my will. However, I still agree it takes 2. Looking back on some of my negative upset behavior and expectations I had of my wife, I pissed her off to the point where she didn’t want to stay with me. Looking back there is much I could have done to better protect and nourish my marriage that I didn’t do. Even though it were her actions that continously made me upset to the point I exploded, I still take responsibility for handling the situation and marriage poorly. Maybe I am only talking about my situation, but I believe there are many other cases where both parties could have communicated better and sought compromises to their situation and possibly rekindled their marraige. I guess every marriage is like every person, unique. I blame my ex for the divorce, but I can take much responsibility for it ending as well. Sadly, she feels no responsibility, doesn’t care about the childrens well being, just wants a paycheck for the next 15 years.

    • Divorces can be mutual, but when one person chooses over the others wishes to get a divorce regardless of the state of their marriage, it is that person imposing their will on the other, and it is their responsibility morally. Take all the responsibility you want to for the state of your marriage pre-divorce, that is a whole different thing.

  38. This government sponsored extortion program…aka child support is a total scam and in reality is not for the benefit of the children. “Child Support” is just a term of convenience that fits the untrue narrative. The children are not guaranteed to benefit from it, only the other parent who is collecting payments. They should call it what it really is…alimony.
    If the government were really interested in the welfare of the children, they would not attempt to send one parent into poverty with debilitating child support payments, explain to me how is sending one parent into poverty beneficial to the children?? It is not beneficial, it only causing parental alienation which is extremely harmful to children. Also, if the well-being of the children were so important there would be a comparable agency with legal enforcement powers, set up to assist parents who are being denied visitation with their children by the other parent.

    • It is indentured servitude to the children to benefit the other parent. Its not called alimony, because that has tax ramifications. It really is that simple.

  39. You know this really hits home for me! My ex wont follow the parenting plan and is constantly trying to take away my rights to get more child support and the sad thing is she’s never had to produce her income which is more then I make and I’m paying a lot in child support.The whole system is corrupt and I don’t see how it’s stayed in place as long as it has because it makes our country and government look very bad and a man has no chance and is punished for trying to be a father to his child and is exploited.

    • Get ready. Pretty soon there will be bills and movements to change this. Stand up and be heard by your elected officials. You are dead right about what happens in court, and you are not alone.

  40. I hope so I’ve already lost everything I have fighting just to stay in my son’s life.Because I want to be a father to my child I’ve lost everything and my child suffers too.Something has got to change.

  41. My stepson spends an average of 19 overnights a month with us opposed to an average of 11 over nights with his mother. Some months she actually has us just keep him. But, we are fine with it because we love having him. However, we pay child support. We are also required to keep insurance for him. We are also required to pay 70% of anything medical that is not covered. My husband has final say in medical and school. Yet he basically lives with us. It is because we went to court and they said “Dad makes more than Mom and Mom is the mom so Dad can financially support his kid while Mom just collects child support. We had to fight so hard just to see my stepson and finally we saved enough money to get an attorney and thats how we got the time we have. However, we are terrified to go back to court because there is no way we could ever pay more so we just deal with it.

  42. Child support b******* because I don’t even check the mothers and I just give the money away have the mothers at her and even doing right and I still take care of the answers like they are so child support around just as long as they are I need to rewrite that s*** because it don’t make no sense the child her letting these women do what they want to do and then even taking the money and taking care of the kids so y’all should be held accountable for that I don’t even know what’s going on that half of these households and you’re still giving these women money and look at all these kids it just happened to him yeah I don’t even care about that

  43. What is always left out of these child support cases is that the custodial parent pays expenses for their child reguardless to if they have received child support. The costs are above and beyond what that covers in many cases. I suppose if one were wealthy and the other parent stayed home and raised the child that would be different, but a choice made as a couple.

    My case is I am a mother of four. I was married for almost 2 decades. I divorced him for good reason. He paid a few weeks of child support, then disappeared. I have worked at the same place for the last 16 years and do support my children without complaint.


  44. Here is my story…….I got pregnant while on birth control….from a one night stand with a co-worker…… life changing…..yes I coulda aborted my son ( like his dad wanted me to)… but I didn’t. His father promptly quit his job, changed his number and disappeared….. had no communication until paternity was established and he walked into court and said “I want nothing to do with either of them”…..I got custody/placement…and i STILL gave him every other tax year….because I didn’t think it was fair that he got hit with birthing and court costs….3 months later ( our son was 8 months old). His dad reached out to me and said he wanted to see his son… here is where you will be shocked! I said ok!, after all the Bs and all the abandonment and court crap…..he IS his dad….he now has his son weds for visits, every sat nite, and two FULL weekends a month….he pays support and I give HALF back since he is no longer making as much money….I buy him diapers/food to help relieve HIS financial burden….I have NEVER said no….our court order was never changed. I have custody and placement….i just had brain surgery in July and yet I work 40 hrs a week while he works 24….(seem fair?) Yet I still give half his support back….
    SO ……I very much resent the comments that mother’s are lazy, money hungry, unreasonable bitches…….I PUT MY CHILD FIRST ALWAYS

  45. Disgusting. O my I have never been so offended. I am a single hard working mother of two amazing young men. I must say that I am the custodial parent and you have got shit all wrong. I know that my story is not unique, and there must be multitudes of degrees of variations out there!!!! So, your assumptions and accusations of custodial parents and noncustodial parents “actions” or “in-actions” are inaccurate, moronic, and pathetic. Because of the various ways that each of my sons’ fathers have gotten away with dodging the system through the years, I work very hard. I am MoM and DAD. I work a lot of times two jobs. I go to the school stuff., all the sports and activities I do the medical appointments. I buy the clothes, food, haircuts, hygiene,meds,toys,etc. I cook, I clean, I teach, I DO IT ALL. I do this for my children, that I made, gave birth to. That I’m responsible for. RESPONSIBLE FOR. They deserve the best of everything we’ve all got to give. But, instead…. I have to get Child Support Enforcement to track the father down, each job, house, phone number, I pass along the information, I have to call and call again, I have to file modification requests in court gathering up all documents, I have to wait and wait hoping they will do something, all while IM SPENDING MY EARNINGS FULLY PROVIDING SUPPORT FOR THE BOY(S) ON EVERY SINGLE LITTLE EXPENSE COVERING EVERY SINGLE NEED – FROM BANDAIDS TO SPORTS, UTILITIES AND RENT TO HEALTH COPAYS, – All this time has passed I’ve spent 1000’s, meanwhile they’ve gotten away not contributing or barely contributing, skipping payments, minimum orders for years,
    Do you think I need to account where his measley payment gets spent and on what you decide it should be spent on? He’s provided 12% of the financial support this month compared to my 88%. And, I provide all of every other kind of support you could dream of.
    Your remarks are just off base. There are “Adults” out there parents that are not taking care of their RESPONSIBILITIES, SUPPORTING THESE CHILDREN on every side in all kinds of situations. Bottom line, THE CHILDREN GET HURT THE CHILDREN SUFFER.

    • U sound ignorant the bottom line is that no parent deserves to be incarcerated or have driver license suspended because they are unable to provide….I wonder if they died how would the state and fed will get their money then… and common sense everyone in this world has the benifit to get a well paying job and do the Gov care if I have a house and bills that I’m unable to pay because I’m only making 8.00 hr and they take half every week…so tell me Dick how can I live and be a parent if I’m homeless….Tell the state and feds to get ready to over flood the jails across America because it shows the country ignorants towards it’s own people.U ever wonder where domestic violence is born from????Child support Enforcement killed thousands and ruin more thousands relationships because the US love sticking their nose in people business to create problems.

  46. I have paid my $600 monthly support since 2000. After retirement the money was modifed down by approximately $200 dollars. The mother has never worked a full time job more than 6 months but claims our daughter every year , or allowed someone else to claim her on their income tax. For unknown reasons I received a letter saying I was in arrears but I’ve never missed a payment because it comes directly from my retirement income. The arrears total approximately $14000.00 to date. In 2013 I started receiving my SS of which my daughters mother receive additional income of $1160 dollars in addition to the support. To date she’s received $36000 dollars , more than half of alleged arrears. My daughter turns 18 in March 2017..The SS will cease..Because her mother has received this additional income will I still be required to pay arrears..Hoping that I have a compelling argument that I don’t owe her mother any additional monies..

  47. I was very intrigued by your child support article, and just had a question or two. If the public were informed about the nature of collecting child support. Is it possible the laws would be changed? Secondly. In the. State of Ga. Where I live, if the non custodial parent understands the arrears could never be paid, and does not ever pursue the matter again. Is it still possible the state will try to get it themselves? If so, even after the children turn 18.

  48. The most insane thought is that the noncustodial parent provide a lifestyle for the child, the exe, the exes new spouse and all future children with the new spouse. If the ex chooses to not work, they remarry and have additional children then how can the noncustodial provide a lifestyle equal to what the child would have had, if no one in the custodial home is working? This story is so complicated. Even if the Dad wants the child and they see the child is happy and better off with the Mother, should he support the whole household? This was 30 years ago for us and the last child support payment was 20 years ago. We directed money directly to the child at that point. The child is now 38 year old adult, is still angry that we were unable to provide equal for her Mom’s household. She feels cheated and entitled to our retirement. She uses her custodial Mothers mantra of “NOT FAIR” She will be an injured child her whole life because of the drama between households. We tried to control the drama, but it is inevitable. I HATE WHAT THIS HAS DONE TO MY STEP and she hates us. I pray for these circumstances because no one wins. The child suffers most and becomes a miserable adult. Many of the children from first families have issues regarding, identity, self esteem, sense of belonging and generally feel cheated.

  49. Even when you have zero income, somebody has to make sure the children are fed! Don’t have zero income, get a job, start a business and work. Pay for the kids you brought into this world, pay for them to have the best lives they can possibly have. Custodial parents’ lifestyles go down 72%, while noncustodial parents actually increase. Custodial parents generally use more than 100% of their assets to raise the children, while noncustodial parents only have to pay a small percentage of their income to provide for their children. (20-32%?)

  50. It’s actually worse than most people know… I should know, I have been homeless for over 5 years…. I haven’t missed a single payment in over 9 years. I am also completely current on my support. My second son just turned 18 and I was informed that since he is still in school and living with his mom that I will be paying child support until his 19th birthday. He works and is even claiming himself on taxes… My ex has not worked in over 20 years she lives on two disability checks and my child support. One check for her new husband who she married one month after divorcing me, that is disabled because he hurt his heart doing drugs and my 3rd son who has autism. Her husband also works under the table for his dad who lives with them and is unable to run his automotive shop.. Who do they think is fixing all the cars… And yes I did loose my kids to her.. She got them on a technicality.. See I let them go to her house and say the night the night before she was to come, so Monday she wouldn’t have to drive and pick them up at 5am in the morning. This put me under my 50% obligation and the court awarded her primary custody. And then I was told to give her 1200 dollars a month… It slowly ruined my life because I had to work two jobs to support myself.. I did that for 3 years. I got sick and couldn’t do that anymore. Its been a living hell! The kicker is I never did anything wrong to deserve this!

  51. I will never sympathize for the father of my child paying child support. I will be the sole breadwinner in our household of 2 (baby and I) and he has chosen already not to be a part of his son’s or daughter’s life. He lied to me about being married while we were together, has a 13 year old that he never sees and pays child support for that I didn’t even know about, a 7 year old he pays child support for, and a 3 year old with his wife. When I caught him in his lies, and contacted his wife…he refused future contact with our child, despite me insisting he didn’t have to “choose” which children he had a relationship with. If I could sue him for the situation he’s manipulated me into I would! You’d better believe I will be getting every penny I can from this man because my child will now grow up without a father. All of the money will go into a savings account for my child when they reach college age, and to take care of them. I will be requesting him to pay my court fees as well. I’m a 23 year old medical student. He’s a 32 year old 1st sergeant in the Green Beret special forces…he makes more than I do right now. So yah…I’m taking the money even though I want to tell him to shove it. Why is it the custodial parent (or let’s face it by the wording in this article…the mother, always blamed as a gold digging manipulator…!?). As far as reform based on the government benefitting from it? Not my priority right now. Obviously child support should be based case by case. However just because SOME take advantage doesn’t mean that the rest of us, who are actually getting f-ed over and NEED the money, should have to jump through hoops to get it.

  52. My children live in ky. Child support balance=0. State of fl drags me down every couple of months. Suspended driving and fishing licenses, loss of wages due to constantly commuting. The constant treatment like you are some deadbeat from the lowliest clerk to a judge that is DYING to throw you in jail because the great state of fl CAN’T be wrong is bad enough but now they have placed this b.s. on my credit . Ky has sent audits, placed several phone calls and yet fl just cannot nor care to fix this problem. A male ckerk told me that if your case is from another state I will ALWAYS have problems. I hope President Trump fixes this beuarocratic red tape nightmare because this is one of his campaign promises. I wish I could find some help. I should be able to sue. I have overpaid and even got a 200$ sent back to me from my child support. FLORIDA SUCKS DON’T MOVE HERE!


  54. My ex-boyfriend dumped me 5 months ago after I caught him of having an affair with someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don’t know what to do, so I visited the internet for help and I saw a testimony on how a spell caster (Prophet Lucky) help them to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problems to him. He cast a spell for me and assure me of 2 days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the second day my boyfriend came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you for helping me to get my love back and your love spell is truely perfect, you are truly talented and gifted i will continue to publish your name on the net because of the good work you are doing.If you need his help contact him now through his website: or Email: luckyspelltemple @gmail. com

  55. I just read this article, I was actually looking for helpful information that could help me prepare for court. Its obvious the article is written by a man or the current spouse/mate of a man paying childsupport.

    I would like to first share something my mother often told me as a child ‘ no such thing as fair, life is not fair”. That was often response given when I pointed out something others had that I didn’t or maybe they had more.

    In a fair( or a just )world all babies will be born to a loving married couple. The couple will stay married forever (in love). They will infuse their child with all their positive attributes, the child will grow and flourish, the child will do as his parents did, and unicorns with candy falling from the sky a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

    In a marriage both people assumed responsibility (unless your married to an ass) Most people will strive to give their child(ren) the best life possible. No limits!

    However when two people aren”t together there are always limits. Daddy won’t take Timmy to school because Mommy got a new promotion and she could afford to pay for gas. Or Mommy has a new car and Daddy doesn’t think he should put all those miles on his car,-let Mommy do it.

    While taking a child to school can be a necessity it is also a time to develop relationships, to establish healthy habits, to communicate,- there’s so much that can be done on a 10-minute 15-minute trip to school.

    Childsupport is a fixed number there should never be a limit to what a child can have or have access to. A good parent will look at their child and think is he or she being cared for. Not what is being done with the childsupport. That’s a man need to control a woman. Should she consult you at meal time. Ask for Tylenol when your child has a fever or would you prefer she has it already. No someone could develop an app from there the custodial parent will need to scan for purchases if the noncustodial parent doesn’t approve the transaction doesn’t go thru. That’s a great idea, all conviently done from everyone’s new lifeline: a cell phone. Provide a debit card (this is already being done) and mail the transaction history to the noncustodial parent each month. Then dad can waste time wondering if mom my purchases condoms or Tylenol at the drugstore late one night.

    Kids come first, not ego, greed, mom or dad. Money is just money. You can always make more. Get a second job! A third ( I have three)! Kids come first if a custodial parent isn’t taking care of the child(ren) take them to court.

  56. This is not all true the title lvd was never enacted into law.the states must participate in the program to receive fed funds…and child support is done by the county you live in they are a corporation…and you can sue a corporation.

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